Heart to Heart...

Today is my 36th birthday... and my 18th wedding anniversary... Happy Anniverthabersary! hehehehe.

I had the best birthday gift two days ago. Sometimes the best gifts... are the ones you cannot open.

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." ~Ezekiel 36:26~

A new heart. A new spiritual heart... a new physical heart... a new teachable heart. Not only did God intend for my husband to recieve an actual new physical heart... He intended for me to have a new teachable heart that was no longer hard as stone about certain things.

On June 16th, 2001... Rich recieved the call that we so nervously awaited. Four and a half months earlier... when he was put on the mechanical heart pump... he was also placed on the waiting list for a heart transplant. We had been... as a family... put through six years of mental, physical, financial, and spiritual stress. And it all came down to one phone call. There was a heart... and it was compatible to Rich. Someone's life was coming to an end... and the gift of life... was about to be given.

I believe that God knows every day of our life... and has known them... since before we were ever born.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." ~Psalm 139:13-16~

God knows of our sufferings. He knows our heartaches. He knows our hates and our loves. He knows our happiness and our joys.

Rich and I never imagined in a million years that his heart would fail... and he would need a new one. God knew that he would... and he also knew that someone else would have to come back home to heaven for him to get that new heart.

I was taking a nap after work. It was Hannah's last day of 8th grade... and she had been home from school about a half hour. The phone rang. It was Rich's transplant coordinator. Jokingly as usual... Rich asked... "Do ya got a heart for me?"... He asked them this every time they called. Only this time... they said... yes. Rich came into the bedroom and told me to get up... we had to go to Spokane because they had a heart for him. I was still asleep... and groggy... and I actually at one point thought that I was either dreaming... or he was teasing me. Then the numbness set in.

I... like a robot... numb and trying to make my brain work... I got up and got dressed. I felt like I was in a dream... Only my heart was beating so hard... I knew I was awake. The moment we had been waiting for had finally got there. Somehow I managed to drive 70 miles to the hospital.

My boss at work was going on vacation that very same day. I had told him... "You just watch... you are going on vacation... and Rich is going to get the call... and I will HAVE to be at work!"... and BAM..... look what happened!

So many thoughts went through our heads. The actual "getting prepped" for the surgery took hours. Once we got there it was about 5pm. There were 3 other people who were also candidates to recieve this heart. All of the possible factors of compatibility had to be looked at... and there are so many. Time moved so slowly. This could even be a "dry run". We had heard stories of people who get prepped for surgery... actually get put under... and wake up still with their mechanical pump... because for some tiny reason... something was not compatible. Finally... the doctor came in and said... "It's a go... the heart is yours." Tears of emotion... happiness... sadness... fear... joy... anticipation... stress..... you name it... we cried it! There was a bittersweetness to the whole thing. Rich was about to get a new heart....... but someone's family is suffering with the loss of their loved one and deciding to donate their organs.

Finally Rich was taken into the operating room about 1:00 in the morning on June 16th. I had to go to work. There was no way out of it. There was no one to take my place in the bakery... and my boss was on vacation. Rich's surgeon walked me and Hannah out to our car. He is a great big Russian teddy bear-like guy. He knew how hard it was for me to leave. He gave me a great big bear hug and said..."We will take good care of him." It was also a comfort to me that the surgeons actually prayed before every transplant!!

I called my best friend, Thelma. She didn't even work at the bakery any longer... but she met me at the store... and helped me get my work done. She did all of my cake orders... and I did the baking and donuts. It cut my time at work in half... and it gave me a warm and fuzzy hug in my own heart. My best friend was there for me. She gave up so much of her own time for me. And... she shared in one of the most beautiful, yet stressful, times in my life. There are never any words that I can say to her... that will ever let her know how much she means to me. God knew we needed to be friends... long before we did! How can I ever give back to her what she has given to me?

I was able to get done at work early... go home... take a shower... and get back down to the hospital. So many days and weeks of little or no sleep passed me by... sometimes I knew it was God that drove my car. I managed to get down there in one piece. I prayed the whole way. I didn't know what to expect. I knew that Rich would more than likely still be on a ventilator. And I knew about the quaranitine for the first few days. He had to be in a special room... and have no visitors other than doctors and nurses for the first few days. Even after those first few days... we had to gown up and glove up and wear a mask before we could go in the room with him.

I never expected to see what I did. It was only 7 hours after Rich recieved his new heart when I finally arrived at the hospital. I looked through the window in his room. And there sat Rich. In a chair... off the ventilator... and he waved at me with his little "I'm on morphine" grin! I was shocked! I could not believe how fast he bounced back. The next day they had him up and walking. He was out of the hosptial in record time. Only about a week!

It has been 3 years and 10 months since Rich recieved his new heart. Not only have we as a family recieved the gift of life for Rich... we recieved the gift of living for us all. What does that mean? Well... let me tell ya.

After the transplant... we fell apart. The cumulation of all of that stress... all of the illness... all of the financial stress... took its toll on us all. Now what? God and the doctor's fixed Rich up... but it was like being stranded on an uncharted island... without a guide, or a map. What were we supposed to do now? Our credit had been put through the ringer... we have none. Our finances were strained beyond all possible chances of recovery. We forgot how to live... we forgot how to love. We were so busy concentrating on survival... we forgot the other aspects of life that were so important.

We came close to divorce. We spent months existing. Not even speaking to each other. We decided to take one last chance... before we lost everything... to try to start over again. We had already lost our car... and were about to lose our house. We had a huge heart to heart talk... decided to start over in a place that we all loved visiting as a family. The most beautiful place on earth. On the internet... I found a job in Newport Oregon. The Oregon coast is the most beautiful place that God created. Come to find out... the job I found was at a sister facility... and I transferred. We sold our mobile home... with a week to go before it was taken from us. We sold it for enough to pay it off... and enough to move on.

We didn't know what moving would do for us. But we needed a fresh start. We needed to learn how to live again. But most of all... we needed to learn how to love each other as a family again. It took me a good year to come around. God knew what we had been through. And he knew that we were supposed to be together. He gave us beautiful sunsets... and time. Time to heal... both physically and emotionally. We spent our time in Oregon learning how to play. We learned how to hold hands... fly kites... pray... watch sunsets... we learned how to hope. We learned how to breathe in a fresh breath of air... and thank God for it! We learned how to love each other... and rely on each other. We learned how to thank God for our lives with each other.

We still struggle every day. I have been blessed with a full time job through this whole time. Rich cannot work... but we have been blessed with disability paychecks... when we had no insurance... Rich was blessed with veterans benifits and able to get his medications that is needed for his life to exist on. When we lost our car... we were blessed with a car that his mother helped us get. We are renting our place now... but we were blessed to be able to come back to the town that we moved away from. We came home again. Back to the friends and community that supported us for so long. We came back to the doctor's that Rich is comfortable with. But best of all...... we came back.... together.

During the past few years... we have also found out who Rich's heart donor was. We sent a letter to his heart donor's family via UNOS...(united network of organ sharing). Rich had me write the letter because he couldn't find the words to say. We waited patiently for a reply. Here is what I wrote to the donor family:

To our donor family...
I am writing you this letter on behalf of my husband Rich Bunting. He is 37 years old. My name is Suzii, I am 32 years old and we have a 13 year old daughter named Hannah.
Together we have thought long and hard about what we would say to you given the opportunity. "Thank you" at times seems like so much and yet it will never be enough. We never thought that in our lifetime we would ever be in this place... as well... I'll bet you never expected to be here either.
On December 23rd 1996, Rich was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. we can only venture to guess that he inherited it from his father who died when he was 32 with the same symptoms as Rich had.
We have fought to keep him alive for the past six years. Four and a half months ago Rich was implanted with a mechanical heart pump which assisted the left side of his heart. We were lold that the life expectancy with the pump would be 2 to 3 years. All the while waiting on the list for a heart transplant. There has been such a huge mix of emotions since June 15th when we got our phone call.
How do you ever find the right words to express a deep, sincere, never ending gratitude to a family who has taken from death to give back to life. Take comfort in knowing that God plans for us each scene of lives before we are even created. In his divine grace we are blessed... to live once on this earth and have the opportunity to live forever in eternity in heaven. Each new day that I get to spend with Rich, I realize how fragile life is... and how deep our love and lives are all entertwined.
Rich has really changed through all of this. Not only does he have a new physical heart, he has a new spiritual heart as well. It is a priveledge and a blessing that he will be able to watch Hannah grow up and maybe someday see grandchildren as well.
We will thank God every day for your precious, precious gift of life you have given to us. We will never take for granted that your loved one's heart is still alive and beating strong... and is completely filled with love, compassion, thanks and life. We honor every minute the memories you have and the gift we recieved. A loss such as yours takes time to heal. We hope that someday we will be able to thank you in person. A decision such as this is in your hands only and we respect your wishes. With love... Rich, Suzii and Hannah Bunting.

We waited and waited for a response to our letter. We didn't know if we would ever hear back from them. Then one day... we did. The letter was sent to our coordinator by UNOS. They then mailed it to us. By this time we had learned that the donor came from the Wenatchee area of Washington. When we got the letter... alot of emotions stirred. Since the letter... Rich has spoken with Sam's grandmother on the phone. The grandmother's name was on the letter... but it had white out tape on it. Rich was able to hold the letter up to the light and read the name. He called information and actually got the phone number to this lady. It took him a long time to decide to call her. Finally he did. When he called he asked the lady who answered the phone... "Are you Sam's grandma?" The lady said... "No... you have the wrong number." Rich said that he was sorry. Then she asked why he wanted to know. Rich said... "I got Sam's heart." Then she said... "Oh my god... you've got the right number." Rich said that if she never wanted him to contact her again... he would respect her wishes. She said that she was very glad that he did. They exchanged phone numbers and addresses and vowed to keep in touch.

Rich's donor was a 16 year old boy. His name was Sam. His mother had been killed when he was 18 months old... and he was then sold illegally. His grandmother was the one who replied to our letter. She had been the one to make the decision to donate Sam's organs. Sam's father had died as well.. only his was a car accident. Sam's death was just as tragic. He was dinking around with some friends of his. His friend was behind the wheel of an old van... the kind that used to have the spare tire on the front grill. Sam was holding onto the tire... and his friend gave it the gas... then slammed on the brakes. Sam was thrown from the tire and hit his head on the ground and was brain dead instantly. His grandma said that when Sam was 7 years old... he was looking at her driver's license and asked her what 'donor' meant. She said that she had told him all about what a donor meant... and that he had told her that when he grew up... he wanted to be a donor too. She told us that when he was laying there in the hospital... hooked up to all of the machines... she remembered that conversation she had with him many years ago. It was then that she decided to donate all of his organs. She took the tragedy of the death of a loved one... and turned it into the gift of life for so many others.

We have sent cards and letters to her the past three years and 10 months. Two days ago... we drove to Wenatchee. She wanted to meet us... and we planned a time to meet. We showed up at a little park that was next to the apartment complex she lived at. She had called us the day before we left and asked us if it was ok if the newspaper who had followed Sam's tragedy could be there to interview them. Rich was nervous... we all were. I knew exactly who she was before we ever got across the park to her. She held out her arms and said... "Are you Rich? Oh my god.. it's you!" She hugged us all like we were long lost family. We had a wonderful visit and a nice interview. The sun was shining and it was warm. She had brought a bottle of sparkling cider and little plastic toasting glasses. We all toasted to Sam. She took us back to her apartment and we visited a while longer... she bought us pizza for lunch...she showed us where Sam's body was laid to rest with his mother... and it was a great visit.

Well...... that did not end our visiting for the day. My dad and his wife Donna... live about a mile away from Rich's heart donor's grandma. My dad paid for us a motel room for the night. He took us all out for dinner... and we visited for a while at his house after dinner. Then the next morning we went out for breakfast with each other before we headed home. Part of my heart got transplanted during my visit with my dad... but not my physical heart...... my emotional and spiritual one. That is another whole story in itself.

~to be continued~