More Than Conquerors!!!.... YES!

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died - more than that, who was raised to life - is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:

"For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep
to be slaughtered."

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." ~Romans 8:28-39~

WOW!!!!!! God must really love us! All of that stuff can't keep his love from us! That is one of my favorite parts of the Bible. It makes me feel like... no matter what happens in this life... God will still love me. I know by my own experiences that this is true. Not only my experiences... but those of my loved ones as well.

My mom went through so much in her life that was unfair. My opinion is that she suffered almost all of her life. Sometimes her suffering was physical... at times it was mental...and emotional... and I know for a fact that she suffered spiritually as well.

She wanted to go to bible college after she finished high school. She told me once that she was disappointed most of her life because her mother had talked her out of it. She loved Jesus with all of her heart. She was saved... but at what age... I do not know. She married my father... and loved him very much. She wanted to start a family and finally after alot of trying she became pregnant. Her first pregnancy ended with her doctor shoving a little paper dixie cup in her face and said "Here are your babies... you have had a miscarriage."

My mom told me this story with tears in her eyes. She had lost a set of twins. Her first chance to be a mother was dashed to the depths of her heart.

Still trying and longing to become a mother... she became pregnant again. And again... she lost her baby... a single fetus had been miscarried. (Personally at this point.. I would have been utterly devastated). I can only imagine the twisted joy that my mother must have had run through her heart and mind when her doctor told her that she was in fact pregnant a third time. She told me that she had prayed and prayed for this child to make it.

She carried me to full term... and apparently I fought to stay in! My mom told these horror-type labor tales! I gave her a run for her money I guess. I don't recall how long she said she was in labor... the only thing I remember her telling me is that I was not turned right and the doctor actually had to reach in and turn me around... and I guess in my stubborness... I kept turning back over! (Imagine that... me... stubborn)...... BUT... she finally had her baby that she had longed for such a long time to love.

She poured her heart and soul into me. Not only did she teach me to read and write before I ever started school... she taught me things of the heart... that can only come from a place that only God has touched. She taught me every little childrens song she could think of and find. She taught me how to play... she taught me how to say my nighttime prayers. She taught me how to tie my shoes and how to get dressed. All of the good things in life that mothers are supposed to teach their children.

The one thing I cherish... is that she taught me how to love... unconditionally. She loved me no matter what I did. She used to tell me when I had done something bad... "I don't always have to like what you do... but I will always love you."

The love that I have for my mother flows from my eyes... from my heart... from every cell in my body. It travels along every breath that I take. Every time I have a thought... the love I have for her is there.

I saw my mother get hurt by my father. Not physically. But he hurt her heart. She told me that he had cheated on her. She stayed with him though. I believe in my heart that she still loved him... for a very long time. He did alot of things that made her mad... or upset... furious...... but she still stayed. She believed that there may be goodness left in what God had brought together in thier marriage. My mother and father were separated... then together... and back and forth like this for a while. Several years in fact. The first time my father left... my world had split wide open. How could the two people that I relied on for security and love... not love each other anymore? I remember alot of nights spent falling asleep beside my mother... both of us crying ourselves to sleep.

I don't know all of the particulars on why they split up... and what kept bringing them together... and I don't need to know. But something happened to my mother during one of the times that my dad had left. My mom was going "crazy". At least that what a kid thinks when people start doing strange things. I remember my mom was laying naked on the bed in her room. My dad told me to sit with her. I was eight years old. I was scared and worried because my mother would not wake up. She was breathing... but her eyes were closed and she did not respond to me when I talked to her. I remember asking my dad what I should do? I asked him if I should read the bible to her. I do not even remember what my dad did... what he said... or where he was........ my focus was on my mother. Something was wrong... and Jesus could fix it. I sat beside her on the bed... and I took a bible and opened it up and just started reading. I don't even remember what part I read... or for how long. The sun was shining... it was daytime... and I was reading the bible ..... FOR my mother. My little heart was aching so bad. I wanted my mama to wake up and tell me that everything was going to be ok.

I don't remember how many days it took her to wake. It seemed like an eternity. But she was very different when she woke. To me... an eight year old... she was acting "funny". Something happened to her... and somebody besides God knows what it was....... anyways........

My mom "came out of it".. for a while. She was what I call... "normal". My mom... sometime during all of this... became pregnant again. My dad was still coming and going. He was unhappy about his life I guess... and was an alcoholic. But that is neither here nor there.

My mother told me once during the pregnancy that God had told her that her babies were gifts from him. (I kind of felt like her being pregnant was my gift too!). When I was 10 years old... my mama had twin boys! She told me many times through the years that "God gave her back all of the babies that had once been taken from her. We were her gifts from God." Once again... she poured her heart and soul into her new babies. She even still had enough love for me!! I loved my brothers... and still do... so very much! I was the big sister helper person! (aka: diaper getter and bottle maker!! hahaha... doubletime!)

I loved my brothers so much... and was so fascinated by them... that I took them to show and tell in the third grade. I felt like I was the only person in the world that had twin brothers... and that for sure they must be miracles! (The only thing that made me wonder about how much they loved me was when I changed their diapers... they always seemed to pee on me)

When my brothers were 18 months old... my dad left for good. My mom and I were left to raise them together. I helped out as much as I could... bathing... feeding... playing... cleaning up after. I even taught them both how to ride thier bikes... (I could not even begin to count how many times I ran around the block.... then... all over again for the other one!) ((But I loved it!)) I would not trade the times I shared with them growing up for anything in the world.

My mom went through what we both later called... "crazy times". She would be on a roller coaster of mental problems for a few years... up until I was in high school. My mom and dad had a very bitter divorce. We were on welfare... and very much into state programs... by necessity. During the times when my mom had a "crazy time"... I tried as hard as I could to just DO... whatever I needed to. She was seeing a state paid shrink... trying to get through all of these times. She would cry and pray... for hours. I don't know of anyone else in my life that has spent as much time on their knees in prayer as my mother did. Hours and hours on end. Speaking in tongues... sobbing... crying... wailing.

My mother was in and out of churches. She tried to get some help from them.. but felt they did not understand what she was going through... she felt unwanted at church.

During these "crazy times"... my dad and his new wife tried to take us away from her. He wanted her labeled an "unfit mother". I remember her telling me that "they" (the state).. made her voluntarily check in to a mental hospital for help or they would take us away from her forever... So... she voluntarily did it... and we went into two different foster homes. We had no other family who was willing to take us in.

I remember the c.p.s. ladies taking my brothers and I to McDonald's... which felt like it was going to be our last supper. My mom used to take us to McDonald's and we could never tear my brothers off of the toys. They would play for hours! But not this time. I couldn't even get them to eat. I remember telling those ladies that they better not even dare to try to split us up. I told them that we would not leave McDonald's if they thought they were going to try it. "The Protector" suit enveloped me when it came to making sure my brothers and I staying together.

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..... I have to go for now...... My family is about to have dinner... and they want me to spend some time with them. I will finish about this later...~Suzii~

~to be continued~