Time On My Hands...

Well... I am off from work for four days. Yesterday after work... I went in to my doctor's office and had two toenails... one from each foot... removed completely and he also killed the nailbeds chemically so they wouldn't grow back. These two toes were very bothersome. One had been damaged years ago by an evil looking toolbox full of big heavy tools that was accidentally shoved right into my bare foot and it originally ripped the toenail off... but the nail eventually grew back in strange and it hurt and was just weird. The other one was a nasty little blessing from birth that I inherited from my mother... who by the way had toenails that were just the same... only she never had trouble with hers. Anyhooo... they are gone now... and they hurt bad... but in the long run I will be happy! ((here is where I would flash a cheezy little fake teeth clenched grin!))

So... I am sitting here with time on my hands..... AND I LOVE IT! I have been looking for that cookie recipe and icing recipe for my friend Thelma... and I had to go on a 30 mile quest to get it.... and it was worth it!!! Now on payday... since she has my mouth drooling for them... I will make some for us. Yummm!

I have also been looking through all of my notebooks full of stuff I have written in the past. I came across an interesting little poem that I wrote. It's kinda neat. (cuz i wrote it... hehehe). So I thought I would share it.

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You created the universe

And all things in it.

You gave the world colors.

You decided to spin it.

You knew all of the people

From day one to armagedon.

You knew before they were born

Which way, when they die, they'd be headin'.

You thought up our memories.

You made new... all the past.

You can hear all silent voices.

You've seen our beginnings last.

You knew how we would choose

To live our own lives.

You knew who our children would be.

You knew our husbands and wives.

You gave us our hearts...

You touched them with love.

You gave us tears

Like the rain from above.

You gave us hope

Like a beacon of light.

Your Son says to you...

*They are precious in my sight.*

*Please Father, can't we just keep them all?*

*Our mansion is so grand*

*And their earth is so small*

*I would give my last dying breath*

*To make sure each one had the chance*

*To spend eternity here with us*

*Together we all could laugh, rejoice and dance!*

You wiped your tears and said to your Son...

***So be it--It was meant to be done.***

***You've suffered for all of them***

***Up there on that tree***

***You have honored all of those people***

***But moreso you have honored me***

written by: Suzii Bunting on September 9th, 2000

I have always enjoyed writing poetry. I keep a pad of paper and a pen or pencil beside my bed... (sometimes eye liner, hightlighters, crayons, markers)... and one time in a bathroom stall... it was pencil on a stream of toilet paper. I never know when the urge will hit me... but when it does... I HAVE to get it down before I forget it.

When I was in junior high and high school I went to an activity called "The Young Writer's Conference". We would submit our writings in a handmade bound notebook type thing. Writer's and teachers at Eastern Washington University would hold a conference and get us all divided into little groups... all different people from different schools in the area... and we would read our stuff and get comments on it. It was fun. They would give us advice on technique and all that technical writing stuff. I am strange. I just write what is in my heart. I cannot go by some preformed outline.

Our high school had an english teacher who realized there was an outreach for kids there... and he started a little writing contest in our school. Students would submit poetry and there would be a first prize of $30.00, second prize of $20.00 and third prize of $10.00. All the poems would then be copied and bound together into a little booklet that the students would put together and they would be handed out to other students in the school... and people in the community who wanted them. I am proud to say that I won a prize in the very first contest they had. And in the next few years that I did it... I won prizes as well. I won a first prize the first year they had it... and the lady writer from the community that had sponsored it... wrote me a letter. It was kind of cool. I don't think that I have the letter anymore... all the moving around I have done in my life... I think it got lost in the shuffle. I do still have the poems that I wrote. When I am able to dig around in my spare bedroom full of unpacked boxes...I will look for them and post some of them.

Here is one more that I would like to share with ya.

STEP INSIDE... VISIT ME HERE

I live all alone in my quiet place...

Shadows of my heart I tenderly trace.

No one understands why I speak silent and stare...

For they cannot see my thoughts when I'm there.

Deep passion and renewal come flooding my way...

Like the sweet breath of April on a breezy spring day.

Standing guard over treasures growing value with age...

My heart aches to spill on an unwritten page.

With the passing of days that turn into long years...

Time reflects hollow places that have filled with my tears.

Storing up deep inside me... I fear I may burst...

I cannot share with just anyone for fear I'll be cursed.

So for now I'll be here in my sweet quiet place...

Searching my soul... while my shadows I trace.

written by: Suzii Bunting on February 24, 2002

(my mother would have been 57 years old on feb. 28, 2002)

From the time my mom passed away... 8-9-2000..to... 6-16-2001... we had alot happen in our lives. June 16th of 2001... was the day my husband had his heart transplant. By the time July 2001 came around... Rich had three major life threatening surgeries... and I was still mourning severely for my mother. I didn't know who I was anymore. I just basically functioned through life. Rich and I didn't talk alot... just existed together in all of the turmoil that was going on around us. We fell apart from each other emotionally... yet we were close. It is really hard to explain. But inside my heart... I felt all alone. There were days at a time when I would not speak to anyone unless I absolutely had to. I cried myself to sleep every night... and alot of times during the day as well. I am so thankful now that God made Rich well enough physically to help me during my mother's death. I could not have handled it if they both had been ill at the same time. I think God knew that... because for several months before my mom died... Rich had a small burst of health... which I am very deeply grateful for and I thank God for it. I also thank God for my friend Thelma. During the emergency surgery that my husband had a month after his heart transplant... I had been experiencing SEVERE nose bleeds. I was in and out of the emergency room several times with bleeders that would NOT stop. One time even at work the ambulance had to come and get me. Thelma was not only my friend... she was my angel. She drove me down to Spokane to not only visit my husband at the hospital... but to get the veins in my nose cauterized... (I believe I had to get it done twice... but cannot recall for sure). Thelma had given up so much of her own busy schedule just to help me out during a very very stressful time in my life... and I thank God for her! She has been a blessing to me every day since I have met her. She even spent the day with me in Spokane when Rich had his Mechanical heart pump surgery... ((we sure spent alot of time in the oddest of places... didn't we Thelma?)). I have poured out my heart to her during all of that time. She willingly made herself there for me. We both now are so busy... we have to schedule time to even visit for a short time... but even tiny little emails back and forth are precious to me.

There are alot of people... and my family members... church family...(my cousin Denise... who is more like my sister)... and others in the community who have been so supportive to us. God Bless you all.