Today is yesterday's tomorrow... again...

Well... I made it through a whole day at work today. It was ok... except for the fact when one works in the bakery at Wal*Mart... it is a for sure thing that you will end up in a really cold freezer for at least... (at least).. a half hour or more two or three times a day... and that is on a slow day. Boy... it is sure hard to breathe in a freezer when you have bronchitis. I always wonder sometimes... "If something were to happen to someone... like say... they pass out... in the freezer......... how long would it take for someone to realize you were gone?... Would they think to look in the freezer first?... Did they even know you were in there?..." Kinda scary!

I don't know how I did it... but my blog is fixed. I just was messin' around with it yesterday and BAM!.. it was fixed. I couldn't even begin to tell you what I did... but... God willing it won't get messed up again.

Now... where was I?

Oh yes... More than conquerors...

I want to share another part of the bible with you. This is one of my favorite Psalms in the bible. I feel like it had been written from my heart to God's ears. It fits in so many different times in my life that I truly needed God... and he was there... he heard my cries...

Before I share it with you.. I want to tell you about some of the things that happened during my mama's "crazy times". One time, I believe I was about 14 years old, I came out of my bedroom because I heard my mom crying. She had a bottle of pills clenched very tightly in her hands. She was sobbing and praying... and she was wanting to end (what I thought at the time) was her life... but now I know differently. She was crying out for help. I remember I started crying and tried to take the bottle from her hand. I could not pry her fingers off of it. I asked her sobbing what she wanted me to do to help. She said that she didn't know if anyone could help her. These moments were so intense and they seemed to make time stand still. One minute I was in my room... and the next I was trying to save my mother's life. The protection mode enveloped me. I remember asking my mom if she would be ok if I had to go next door to use the phone. I was so scared to leave her. I was afraid that I would come home and she would be dead. But I needed to call someone to come and help me. I begged her not to take any pills while I was gone. I told her I would be right back... and I turned away... not knowing. I remember looking at both our neighbor's houses and neither were home. Just my luck. They were the only people I knew. There was a car kitty corner across the street. It was farther to go... but I knew they were home.... and I desperately needed a phone. I was half way across the road and I realized I did not have any shoes on. The slush and snow was coming up between my toes... and I was slipping the whole way... but I was running. The lady who answered the door kind of looked at me a little confused. I begged her to use her phone... I told her that I lived in the green house at the end of the road and my mother needed help. I did not know who to call... so I called the only people I knew. My dad had been a police officer in the town we lived in... and I called the wife of one of my dad's co-workers whom we had visited before. I told her that my mama had a bottle of pills and I could not get them out of her hand... and I asked if her husband could come and help me. I don't know what she said... I don't remember leaving the house... I don't remember anything until I started out into the slush and snow again and I said..."Oh God... please let my mama be ok."

When I got back into the house... there sat my mama... still crying and clutching the bottle... her knuckles and fingers had almost lost all of their color from squeezing so hard. I told her that help was coming... and she stopped and looked up at me and said... "You can't go out in the snow without shoes." I told her that I didn't know that I did. Of all things to say... shoes were not my main focus at that particular time!

I begged her to give me the bottle and she still wouldn't. Our friend... the police officer... came in the house and kneeled down at my mother's feet. I remember him saying... "Jackie... just let them go and give them to me." He eventually got them from her. She was taken to the hospital and we went home with the police officer's wife. This was the start of the foster homes that we stayed in. (a whole other saga in itself!)

I believe in my heart of hearts that my mother never intended to take her life. She always told me that her life was her kids. My twin brothers and I were her reason for living. I also know in my heart of hearts that she was being tormented in her mind by things not of God. (I will get into this more later)

But what I want to share with you now.. is this...

You may not always know it... and some people don't believe it... but no matter how difficult the task... God is there. No matter what we say or do... God is there. No matter how hurtful the pain... physical, mental, emotional,.. God is there. No matter how long the hardship.. God is there. We just have to know that all he wants is for us to reach out to him. To climb into his arms and let him carry you to a safe place.

"I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.

The cords of death entangled me, the anquish of the grave came upon me; I was overcome by trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord: 'O Lord, save me!'

The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me.

Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.

For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living. I believed; therefore I said, 'I am greatly afflicted.' And in my dismay I said, 'All men are liars.'

How can I repay the Lord for all his goodness to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord. I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people.

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. O Lord, truly I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant; you have freed me from my chains.

I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the Lord. I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people, in the courts of the house of the Lord - in your midst, O Jerusalem. Praise the Lord. ~Psalm 116~

I, Suzii, will fulfill my vows to the Lord. He has carried me through times in my life that I could have never made it through without him. It is because of God that I am here today... and I thank him daily for his constant presence in my life. Even when I felt so all alone... God was with me... and my family.

~to be continued~