Happy Father's Day!

In order for you to get the full effect of what I am about to say... please read my post from April 12, 2005 titled... "Remembering..."

I remember how proud my dad was to be a California Highway Patrolman when I was little. He used to lay out all of his brass... and shoes. I watched him many many times polish his brass until it shined like gold. His shoes were so shiney they were like smooth black mirrors. All of his leather belts and holster always smelled so good to me. I still love the smell of a leather jacket or a leather purse because of those memories. I was very proud of him. I remember feeling safe and secure. Sometimes he would bring his patrol car home. He always flashed the lights for me to see. I remember once listening to the song... "Unicorn" by the Irish Rovers... my dad was napping on the living room couch and I got all excited because I thought they were talking about uniforms!

I remember bringing home a huge Christmas tree one time with him when I was a little girl. We both stood behind it and rang the door bell to surprise my mom when she opened the door.

I remember going out for dinner all the time with my dad and mom. Hmmm... let's see... we used to go to Alphy's, Tugboat Annie's, Gus' Burritos (remember... don't cuss call Gus??), Ferrell's Ice Cream Parlor, The Steak Corral (and I loved the little graveyard with fakey tombstones in the far corner of the parking lot!), Bob's Big Boy (my dad always took my picture with "Bob"... the big chubby hamburger guy standing out front), Tastey Freeze (MMMM taquitos!), Vincent's Spaghetti, and my all time favorite... Espios! ((I hope I spelled that right)). Going out for dinner was always a good time.

I remember going camping all the time. We always had the ultimate of camping trips. And... I remember every little thing about the trip from California to Florida and up to Connecticut?? was it?? I remember Uncle Bob's restaurant. Him letting me sit at the bar after they closed and me getting toasted on Shirley Temples with extra cherries!!

I remember you chasing that stupid cat "Al" all over that windy town in Wyoming one night. That cat drove everyone nuts... then I think she turned out to be an "Alice"... I'm not sure... but it was a strange cat.

I remember you throwing me into Albany Cove hoping I would just take off swimming. (By the way... I do know how to swim now)

I remember you always having to come and rescue me from the tops of slides. I always wanted to go down them... but once I got up to the top... the fear of being that far from the ground stopped me dead in my tracks. (It always felt safer when you went down with me anyways). By the way... I am still EXTREMELY fearful of heights... ask me someday about going up into the lighthouse when I was 32!

I remember when you and mom got divorced. I cried and cried. I missed you... I hated you... I loved you. I remember saying mean things to you... because I was hurting so bad. I remember writing you mean letters. It was (at the time) the only way I knew to hurt you back. Only now... I realize that maybe you were hurting already. Please forgive me?

I remember seeing you from time to time as a teenager... and getting those surprise postcards from everywhere you had been. Things changed alot in our relationship. For a while our relationship became non-existent.

I remember when you and Donna got married. Donna wore my 8th grade graduation dress. I was happy that you found someone... really I was... deep down inside.

I remember you taking me out for dinner once before I went off to get married and you tried to talk me out of it. ((I'm glad I didn't listen!! Been married 18+ years now))

I remember you coming to visit Hannah, your granddaughter, when she was just a little baby. Then... I wasn't sure about it all... but now I wish you could have had the chance to spend more time with her as she grew up. She loves you ya know! "Grandpa"

As I sat in your home this past April... I saw the daddy I have missed out on for so many years. Your eyes sparkled so brightly... and I loved seeing you smile and laugh. Your whole face lit up... cheeks pushin' up into your eyes... and your silly crooked teeth. Your hair is grey... but it looks real good on ya... I'm sure you worked hard for every last one! (I found a picture of you with brown hair and NO BELLY!! hehehe... I will have to send it to ya!) You are the only parent I have left. The only one left that helped to create ME. Had it not been for the choices you made... I would not be here to tell you how much I really do love you. HAPPY FATHER'S DAY... DAD!