Like The Rain... Sometimes Tears Must Fall...

There are times that can creep up on you completely unexpected... and you stop abruptly what you are doing and say... "Where did THAT come from!?!". I had a moment like that today. I was at work... and in between the "Wal*Mart Radio Network" advertisements... they of course play all that wonderful canned music. It has actually got a little better as far as the types of music that is played during the day. Then of course you have the pre-taped "Have you had breakfast today? You can order your McDonalds food at the check through at this Wal*Mart... It is just like drive through... only blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda... ba ba ba ba ba... I'm Lovin' It!" They play quite a bit of different kinds of music... from country... to the oldies... to light rock... to some of the new stuff that I have no clue what category it goes into... but they are all pretty good. Well... I was trying to have a good day today... ((I will explain later what has happened in the past couple of days to cause me grief at work)). I was helping the baker with some of her stuff... because I was finished with my own work... and we had been talking during the day about "things". We all have a pretty good relationship as far as a working relationship can go. Anyways... I was helping her and an old song (of which I do not know the name) came on the radio. When I was a little girl... (around 5 or 6)... my mom had a bunch of old 45's... (remember those?). Anyways... this song that played made me remember her letting me listen to her old 45's. She had bought me a little yellow and white plastic record player... when it was folded up it looked like a little yellow and white suitcase type thing. I was always so careful with those old 45's. I felt special that my mother let me listen to them. She had taught me how to use the little record player... and I would sit and listen to those records for hours. I was telling the lady that I was helping about this... and out of the blue... as I was speaking... the tears and sobbing just started. At that point in time... I felt as though I was mourning my mother's death all over again. I have not sobbed for her in a long time. I had to stop myself of course because I was at work. I had not thought of those old records for years and years and years. That is such a precious memory of mine... I felt in my heart as though my mother was telling me... "Even though I am not here to help you through these times you are having... I am always with you. I may not be there for you to talk to... but you can always tell me what is wrong... I am always still here (in your heart) for you." My mother's spirit whisked through the Wal*Mart radio network... just when I needed her most!!! ((Not sure if that is exactly what it was... but sure sounds good!))

When I got out to my car... I put in my favorite cd. It is by New Mercy... A little group in Ohio that sings gospel music for various churches and things. The cd is called "Little is Much". Track #1, #3 and #5 just made me SOB! I had the radio cranked up high enough to break the ear drums of any normal human...(me normal?... naaaah!) I was singing at the top of my lungs and tears were flying so hard I could not tell if it was rain on the outside of the windshield... or tears on the inside! A brief moment asked myself......."Do you think you should pull over? You cannot see the road!" ((and I just ignored it and kept on singing)).

I made it home safely... by the way.

Eyeballs all red... snot flyin'... paints a good picture doesn't it?

It was so comforting to think of my mother. Even though it made me cry. I would have went to her house today had she still been alive. She would make a fresh pot of coffee... even though she had just made the one that was sitting there earlier this morning. She would have said... "You want me to make you a grilled cheese sandwich? I have some tomato soup in there you can have with it." She would have teedled around her kitchen in her wheelchair... getting out the skillet... and the big 5 pound block of pre-sliced cheese... and the bread and butter. Then her bare feet would walk herself in her wheelchair over to the food cupboard and get me the can of soup. I would offer to make that... and she would say "No... you just sit there... I will get it... you are probably tired from standing all day and I can just sit here in my chair. Coffee is ready... what cup do you want?" I would pick the new white ones that she had that had a little Pennsylvania Dutch type flower on it. She would teedle over with the cup... a spoon... a jar of non dairy powdered creamer... and her little sugar thingy. While she fixed us both the soup and sandwiches... she would give me and her a piece of sliced cheese to eat 'til they got finished. While I mixed up my coffee... to the perfect color... we would talk about everything in the entire world. What she had been doing... what I had been doing at work... then... if it had been today... I would have started crying... and she would want me to tell her what was wrong. And... even if it was me... just venting... she would listen. Even if what I said didn't mean a thing to her... or she had no clue of the circumstances... she would listen... and understand... and just be there for me. She would let me heal up myself... and renew my thoughts and feelings about things. Then we would sit together at her huge colonial style dark pine tressel table... and enjoy the most wonderful bowl of tomato soup and the best grilled cheese sandwich in the entire universe. Then... of course... we would visit long enough to finish the entire pot of coffee... and when that was gone... she would offer me a Safeway Select Diet Cola..................and we would visit more. She healed me... she loved me... she was my mama... and I could really use a grilled cheese sandwich today! I hold my mama in my heart... like one of the brightest stars in the universe that has been put inside a little crystal bottle. Once in a while it shines so brightly... that it radiates so much love and emotion that it flows out of every part of my soul.

God fills my heart like that. I know this is going to sound corny... but I wonder if there are grilled cheese sandwiches, tomato soup, and coffee in heaven at the great banquet? (((It's not about the food you know)))

:)

I wish I could share the music from the group New Mercy with you. I have yet to figure out how to put a link to music on here... or find out even if you can. Until then... I will type out the words to one of my favorites:

"I dreamed of a city called Glory
It was so bright and so fair
When I entered the gates I cried 'HOLY!'
All the angels... they all met me there...
They carried me from mansion to mansion...
And all the sites I saw...
But then I said... I want to see Jesus...
The one who died for all.

I bowed on my knees and cried Holy!.... Holy! I cried Holy!
I clapped my hands and sang Glory... Glory to the son of God!

As I entered the gates of that city...
All my loved ones.. they knew me well..
They took me down the streets of heaven
Oh the scenes they were too many to tell...

And I saw Abraham... and there was Jacob... and old Isaac
I talked with Mark... sat down with sweet Timothy...
oh but I said Timothy..
I want to see my Jesus.....for he's the one who died for me

I bowed on my knees and cried Holy!... Holy!... I cried Holy!
Oh I clapped my hands and sang Glory!....
I clapped my hands and sang Glory!...
I clapped my hands and sang Glory!...
I sang Glory to the son of God
I sang Glory to the son of God


and my next favorite is this one... they sing this one with just angelic voices... no other music... just beautiful...

In the harvest fields now ripened
Theres a work for all to do
Hark the masters voice is calling
To the harvest he's calling you
As the place your called to labor
Seems so small and little known
It is great if god is in it
And he won't forsake his own

Little is much... when God is in it
Labor not for wealth or fame
There's a crown and you can win it
If you'll go in Jesus name

When the conflict here has ended
And our race on earth is won
He will say if you've been faithful
Welcome home my child well done

Little is much ... when God is in it
Labor not for wealth or fame
There's a crown and you can win it
If you'll go..... If you'll go..... If you'll go....in Jesus name

I have needed a lot of "filling up"... with God lately. I kind of feel like a car that gets drained of all it's fuel... and it chugs it's way into the gas station for that refreshing drink of fuel that keeps it running properly. I work at a Wal*Mart Supercenter Bakery. Whoever built this place did a poor job in planning the layout of the deli/bakery area. The only way for the deli to get out of the area to other parts of the store is to go right thought the bakery. Why is this a problem you ask? Well...... the cake decorating area is tiny. Kind of like working in a hallway with a large table in it. No room to spare. This past Saturday... was graduation weekend and the two of us decorators were solid busy a whole 8 hours. The deli workers...((are not supposed to)) be going back and forth through the decorating area... they are supposed to be going the long way around in the back of the bakery ((where there is a ton more room to get through)). The ONLY time that they are supposed to be going through the decorators area is IF the floors in the back are wet from being cleaned...((which happens late in the evening.)) Bot of us decorators haven't said anything of them going back and forth. We have just let it go. This is very frustrating. Every time they come through that area... the decorator has to completely stop what they are working on to let them and their carts of stuff through. We have to move completely out of the way sometimes... and some of them were going back and for ALOT!!!!!!!!!!!! ((of course... they denied it!)) (((which made me very upset!))) Well... on graduation day... several times... four of the deli workers would saunter back and forth from their breaks... laughing and having just the grandest of times...... all the while not even concerned that they were interrupting us everytime they did so. I did what I thought I should. I asked my manager to ask them to please not come through there because it was very distracting to our getting our work done on time and properly. My manager actually said that they are not supposed to go through there AT ALL... but they had been slacking in following that rule. So she went and talked to them. All seemed better... and we were able to finish our work with less interruptions. The next day... the same thing kept happening! Like... HELLO????? I was so angry at the end of the day... I was shaking! The rude comments from the deli workers aimed right at me just made me fume! I decided to talk to a "higher up" manager about what was happening. I did that the next day. She in turn talked to the deli manager... and now... the entire deli won't speak to me. They would rather glare evil daggers at me as they walk by. I went into work today and kept in mind to just be happy and talk to them if approached... say hello... good morning... or whatever. Well...... upon saying good morning to several deli workers...(including the department manager)... I was in return just glared at. My manager said I am now "On their **** list"..... FOR WHAT????? Just asking to please keep from interrupting the cake decorators while they were working? Ok... yeah... I took it to a higher up..... but the snotty remarks and all that can really take a toll on someone working almost side by side with the ones making them. It makes me ready to find another job. But I don't feel it's my time to leave. I don't want to start over at another job again. Frustration fills me up when I get to work. My attempts to have a great day... the prayers and the music and the happy thoughts I get there with... are grumbled away by those around me who seem to not have anything better to do than whine and bit**. (Excuse my asterisks)

Anyways... Such trivial things.... why does it affect people in such a derogatory way? Why do they lash out on the ones who try to make things better? Why do I fear going to someone with a fair comment or suggestion?

"Little is much... when God is in it"
"Labor not... for wealth or fame"
"There's a crown and you can win it"
"If you'll go... IN JESUS NAME!"

Thanks for listening...
May God bless you in all that you do... as I know he will for me.