1... 2... 3... hmmmmmm.... ((thoughts completed))

Sometimes when I sit here, I wonder what I can squeeze out of my brain. There is so much in there churning around. Sometimes I sit and "zone" out the window watching the wind blow through the grasses and trees. I can hear my windchimes out on my front porch. I always wanted a front porch to line my collection of windchimes along. On a really windy day... our house gets kinda loud!

I love a good wind... as long as it is cool. I went with my friend Thelma today for a "walkie~talkie" around the city park. Sometimes (most of the time) we talkie more than we walkie. For me... to weigh the balance of the two is equal. I need the conversation... and I need the walking... but most of all... I need to just be around my friend.

God kind of put us into each others lives before we were gonna realize it! Hannah had just started kindergarten and I had decided to stay at home until she started school... then I would go to work. I praise God that every day (more or less) I have had a full time job since then... and in between changing jobs for me -the days I didn't work- I could count on one hand.

I met Thelma around 1994-ish. ((Wow Thelma... 11-ish years!)) We are alot alike... but alot different. Kind of makes for a really great friendship. She has taught and confirmed in me alot about God. We talk and share and have had many moments of laughter... and lots of tears. I know I have talked about her on here before... but each day that goes by... our friendship grows stronger... and I treasure it more and more.

It's kind of odd really.... not odd... but... you know ~ ~ Her mom's name is Jackie (my mom's name was Jackie)... Her dad's name is Don (my dad's name is Don)~ ~ I knew her sister when I was a teenager. I occasionally attended the church that her sister did... but I never knew Thelma until years later.

Thelma has a daughter that is my age. I have always "bonded" with people that are older than me. I never got along really well with people my own age. ((Not that Thelma is old... cuz she's not. We act like giggly teenagers at times when we get together!)) Friendships like ours are lifelong.

Thelma has this ability to help me get focused. I know that may sound strange... but sometimes I lose a grip on things of God. Not by wanting to... or ignoring God... but by just getting caught up in life. She keeps me grounded to the things of God. I have heard her tell me on many occasions... "What does God's word say about it? Gotta read it to find out!" Kind of like my big sister saying... "Ya better go do it!" I need that sometimes. Just to bury my head into the bible... read and understand what God's word is saying to apply it to my own life. Sometimes I forget that God is in control. I just get busy... like everyone... paying bills... going to work to pay the bills... running a household... being a mom... being a wife...and when I finally have "time" I tend to vegetate and do nothing. Often I have caught myself "whining" to God. But moreso lately... I have been asking for the blessings he has for me. I hate it when I catch myself just sitting around waiting for God to knock on the front door with the "stuff" he has for me. The blessings that I ask for... require three things from me...

#1...Self Discipline
#2...Self Control
#3...Self Motivation

Those are some BIG words to swallow for me. In order for me to obtain the goals and dreams and desires that God wants to give me... I have to put all three of those things into motion. I have some pretty awesome tasks planned out for me by God. Part of the finished and completed work... requires me to refine and master the above three qualities and use them daily in my life.

It would be so much easier if God was like... "BAM! There is your self control!... BAM!! There is your self discipline!... BAM!!! Now you are totally self motivated!" What would I learn from him just giving those to me? Not a gosh darn thing. I would have nothing good to tell anyone about the accomplishments and obstacles I conquered. I would not have any compassion for someone else who "has been there".

What is going to get me to gain those three qualities?
The grace of God.
Perseverance.
Determination.

I cannot do it alone... and God knows that.
I will overcome each and every obstacle that comes my way.
I need to remember... EVERY DAY... what it is I am doing... and why.

~to be continued~

~*~CONTINUED~*~

Does what I was even talking about make sense? Sometimes I feel like I am talking in circles. My brain generally works that way. I get a thousand different ideas going on at once... and start talking about several different things that really are linked to each other... but once I read them... I think... "Why can't you just get to the point, Suzii?!?"

I guess this is what I was trying to get at...

I was conveying my gratefulness to my friend Thelma... she always uplifts me... even when she feels it is her that needs the uplifting. I cherish her friendship. She knows about the goals that God... (and myself) have set for me to work towards. She encourages me... she makes me feel good about myself... she keeps me grounded in "God stuff".

Why do I need to be self disciplined, have self control and be self motivated? Well... because I am the only one that can control what I eat... I am the only one that can tell myself and remind myself constantly in my heart and mind that I need to take better care of myself... I am the only one that can make myself get up and "DO SOMETHING... EXERCISE... WALK... WRITE... JUST DO IT!" Others can encourage me to do these things... but it is ME that HAS to do them. God knows... because I have told him... how hard "killing my giant" is going to be. I am going to need his strength... his supernatural healing touch... his grace... his gift of perseverance... his determination. Basically I have come to realize that even though I need to "kill my giant" myself... I need God to be right beside me to pick me up when I fall... I need the strength of his legs carrying me to the "battlefield"... I need his love and his endurance and his patience to help me do all the things in life that he has chosen for me to accomplish. I keep hearing his sweet gentle voice speaking softly and matter-of-factly in my right ear... "That's not a fat lady up there." I have to MAKE THE EFFORT to "move" in the direction mapped out for me.

I lost my mother to cancer in 2000. She was 55. I was 30.
I almost lost my husband to heart disease (congestive heart failure). He is a fighter. He managed to make it through having a mechanical heart pump... and a heart transplant... and a strangulated bowel surgery all within a 5 month time frame.

((I am a woosey... you should see me with a hang nail!))

I get so anxious wanting to write the books that I have churning around in my heart and mind. **But I am anxious more to do it God's way**

I want so badly to be healthy and lose my weight ((that would be 30 ten pound bags of potatoes worth)).
**But I want it to be done properly... and I want it to show people that all things are possible WITH GOD**

I am ready to receive the blessings God has for me! Bring em on!! I am ready for the healing in my body and for my husband and daughter too! I know it is God's will... no if's... and's... or but's.

I am still human... however... and at times I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel... and that gets so frustrating!

So...
Here I sit. There is a really big storm coming outside. The wind is really whipping my windchimes around... and I have really enjoyed listening to them. Storms for me are like watching God's ultimate power. They are proof to me how much "in control" he is. He is my savior. He is my strength. He is my grace. He is my endurance. He is my will power. He is my reason I have breath of life.

I want to share with you some of the bible verses that encourage me. The ones that keep me focused. The ones that feel like every time I read them... that they were written... just for me.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

Hebrews 10:19-24 "Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds."

Hebrews 10:35-37 "So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised."

1 Peter 5:6-11 "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen"

(Part of) Romans 14:20 (this just kind of POPPED out me one day)... "Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. ..." ((wow... like what does THAT say!))

Romans 8:18-39 (Future Glory) "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. (More Than Conquerors) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died - more than that, was raised to life - is a the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: 'For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.' No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

...That... is what I was trying to say... those are the thoughts that mull around in my heart and mind...