"This is Heaven... How Can I Help You?"

I don't exactly know where this post will end up... but I do know how it is going to get started.

We got our phone bill the other day. It's all good... except for this $18.95 charge from MSN. We have nothing to do with MSN in a billing sort of way. So, Rich decided to call about the charges today. I am sure he got frustrated because they could not talk to him because his name was not on the account. When I got home... it was my turn.

Right now, I have to ask God for forgiveness. Please Lord, forgive me for my anger that I displayed. Forgive me for the one bad word I said. And Thank you Jesus for calming me down when the 3rd real person came on the phone... I appreciated his genuine attentiveness and understanding... I know Lord, that you knew I needed him on the other end that time.

This is what I encountered. Apparently... companies are trying to be "user friendly"... NOT! Both my phone company... and MSN... have changed their "please press 1" automated operator systems. I think they went a little overboard. I dialed the number to the phone company... a calm nice sounding male voice said things similar to the following: "Thank you so much for calling Qwest. We appreciate you calling us for all of your needs that you may have concerning your account. We want to be able to help you in any way possible. Ok... first... I am going to need you to tell me the phone number that you are calling about." *pause* "I'm sorry, I didn't hear your answer... can you please tell me again what the phone number is you are calling about?" *pause* "I'm VERY sorry, I am having trouble hearing you... can you please tell me what the number is you are calling about... or enter the number you are calling about on your telephone keypad."

Ok... for starters... I NEVER SAID ANYTHING... THAT..... IS WHY YOU COULDN'T HEAR ME! I entered the number on my keypad.

"Thank you so much for entering your number. Now I am going to access your account for you... but first... I need to know what you are calling about. You can use simple words like: I am calling about my bill... or... I want to change my service... or if you want to talk with us about something else... just say: I want to talk about something else."

Ok... I wanted to talk about something else.

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear your request. To be able to access your account... I am going to need to know what it is you are calling about. You can use simple words like......etc etc etc..........

Ok..."I want to talk to a human."

"I'm sorry, I was unable to hear your request. To be able to access your account... I am going to need to know what it is you are calling about. You can use simple words like..........................................

OK............ click.

I dialed the number for the phone company again... hoping the "guy" I talked? to?... had to use the bathroom.

Ring... ring.... (Oh my goodness... it's the same guy!!!)
I did not say a word. I planned it that way. I wasn't going to give him ANYTHING! I was going to MAKE him make me push the numbers and not talk to my telephone like someone was acutally there!

(It took about 20 minutes of not saying anything for him to suggest that I just press "5" if I wanted to talk about something else.)

When... I finally talked to a human... after "The Guy" made me listen to some horrid ear wrenching (BAD) piano music...**Note: I love piano music... this was BAD!.... after all of that..... I finally got a nice real.... REAL human lady...... she was so nice! She sounded just like the script that was in front of her. ((but I knew different... I knew she was real... for REAL REAL)) Wanna know how I knew? Because when she verified whether or not I still worked at Wal*Mart or not... she said... "I just LOVE Wal*Mart! It is the best store ever created! I shop there all the time!"

I wondered if she was just trying to make me happier... sensing the tension in my voice I could have probably reached my hand through the phone and hung HER phone up! ((She knew I was upset... because I told her that I said a bad word to that guy who thinks he is a human)) I also told her that their piano music sucks. I told her that I have heard... live and personal... really great piano music... and theirs is BAD! (she apologized... but it didn't get it changed)

She was very polite... considering how nice I was trying to be. Before the conversation was over... I had the number for MSN... and the charges were taken off of my bill. AND before she gave me her "I have to go now... but thank you for allowing me to serve all of your needs and thank you for being a qwest customer"... I told her to keep shopping at Wal*Mart... support my 401K. She laughed... I laughed and I said "Good-bye" before she could and hung up.

Then I called MSN. Oh.... My.... Goodness..........

"Thank you for calling MSN.... I am here to help you with all of your needs. Before we get started... can you tell me your name? I need to know what your name is before I can access your account to be able to serve you better."

OK...........I didn't say a word.

"I am so sorry... I did not hear your answer. Can you please tell me your name? At least your last name. That way I can access your account........"

OK.... "I don't have an account with you"

"I am so sorry... that name does not come up as an account. Can you spell your last name for me?"

"Dear Jesus... I ask you for your mercy. I plead for your assistance in keeping my temper from blowing like a volcano filled with the fires of hell." **I didn't say that... but I did pray something similar as I was S-P-E-L-L-I-N-G my last name.**

Some how... by the grace that only God can give... I found a human. A real human... not a fake human. I was very polite to her... I told her that I didn't like their automated answering system AT ALL. (She had asked me for my phone number... and when I gave it to her... she said... "Your name does not come up with that phone number." I said... "No way!" She didn't like me and she transferred me back to the fake human.

Then... God gave me a "good... real human". The second human at MSN... had a heart. I could tell. He asked me what I needed help with. I told him straight out what I needed help with. I said..."I recieved my phone bill the other day. It has a charge of $18.95 for services from MSN. I do not have any services with you MSN. I am not going to pay the $18.95 and I do not want it to show up on my bill ever again. OH... and I really bad do not like your automated fake human."

This guy... he was genuinely nice. He did not have a script. He laughed and said..."You are not the first person who has not like our automated system. I am going to make a quick note of your dislike so that the upper management can read comments regarding the system."

"Oh Thank you!!!!" I said.

Then... he did some looking around... not putting me on hold... I could hear him typing as he comforted me. He told me that he was doing some looking... to see... to actually see why I was being billed for service that I was not getting. He asked me if I was getting dial up internet service through MSN. I said "No... I don't even have dial up... I have DSL through The Office Net in a little town called Chewelah Washington". He chuckled a bit... and said... "Well... you certainly don't want dial up then... do you?" **This guy gets a gold star in humanity!**

After about an hour and a half of trying to get to the bottom of things.... he finally asked me... "How long have you had this number through your phone company?" I told him about a month now.

**When our number was changed.... we were getting the previous "owner of the phone number's" internet service charges.**

Amazing isn't it? How big corporations are "trying" to be more people friendly... and I am believing that they have done just the opposite. How humiliating to "talk" into your phone... to a great big automated answering system.

I prefer to "please press 1"

I am SO glad that talking to my God is not that difficult. I don't have to push any buttons... and no fake person is trying to push mine! I can just say.. "Hey God... know what happened to me today?" and he will say... "Tell me Suzii... what happened to you today." I can talk to Jesus and not even be billed for it! I have unlimited minutes to heaven! No service fees... no connection charges. I don't have to press *69 to see if it was God that was trying to get ahold of me!

".....and his ears are attentive to their prayer...." 1peter 3:part of 12
"Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear." Isaiah 59:1

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE FOR TODAY...

"BEFORE THEY CALL I WILL ANSWER; WHILE THEY ARE STILL SPEAKING I WILL HEAR." ISAIAH 65:24

Amen... Jesus I praise your name! You are my savior, my protector, MY FRIEND. Thank you God for your love for us... for it is wider than the whole entire sky... it is deeper than the farthest depths of the oceans all stacked on top of each other... it is more genuine that the very breath of life that goes into my body. AMEN!