"You want thoy thauth with that?"

Ok... Funny story time... and what makes it even funnier... IT'S TRUE!

My family and I love Chinese food. There are fancy Chinese restaurants... costly but good. There are those "not so fancy... but excellent food" Chinese places. Then there is our favorite... Safeway's China Express Deli. For those of you who do not know what that is... Safeway is a grocery store chain that has an awesome Chinese deli... and the best part is... it is affordable and everything comes in those cute little Chinese take-out boxes!

Our Safeway store here in Colville does not have the China Express Deli. That is a real bummer. So when we go to Spokane... we hit the Safeway on the Newport highway... Chinese food here we come!!!

The three of us went there about three weeks ago. Rich, Hannah and myself. We all had our separate orders. There was this Chinese guy working there. (All of the ones that I have been to have some sort of Oriental person working in them... by the way) This guy, however, I will never forget in my entire life. Let's just say he has made a permanent giggle in my heart.

He is a "China man with a lisp". I am so very serious! He is very hard to understand. I have to listen very hard and read his lips to understand him. The first time we went there... the three of us... we had your basic "food service worker/customer" relationship. Just get me my Chinese and let me go home.

This past Monday... Rich had an appointment with his VA Doctor in Spokane. It was late when we got out of there... and I had to work the next day and by the time we would have arrived home it would have been too late to fix dinner. So... Rich and I decided to take home Chinese.

We got to the Safeway store and as I walked in... The China-man with the lisp... was stirring a pot of soup that was by the door (kind of a self-service soup thing). He smiled at me and I nodded at him and said "Hello" as I made my way to the China deli area. He came right over to help us. Rich gets frustrated with people when he cannot understand them... and he has trouble hearing sometimes... so he sat on his little shopping buggy and let me take over.

I got my "listening ears" on... because I knew this day ordering Chinese was going to be an adventure. He remembered us... you could tell. Spokane is a big place... so you probably don't see the same people very often. He was all smiles as he began waiting on us. I stood up straight... and ready for action.

This was going to take a while... because each meal gets your choice of two entrees, a pork or chicken egg roll, and you can choose to have pork fried rice or chicken chow mein... OR half rice/half chow mein... for only $5.99.

Here is how the adventure took place.

(CM=China-man)

Me= "We would like three combo meal specials please."
CM=... got the divided plate things and said... "You want thalt with noodlth or rith?"
Me="In one meal just put noodles."
CM="Jutht noodlth in one. What you want in otherth? You can have haf/haf."
Me="Haf/haf? Oh... half noodles and half rice!"
CM="Yeth... you want haf noodlth/haf rith in both?"
Me=((trying not to say "Yeth"...)) "Yes. Just noodles in one... and half rice and half noodles in the other two please."
CM=...loaded up the plates..."You want pokochickeneggloll?"
Me="Do I want what?"
CM="pokochickeneggloll?"
Me="OH! Rich, do you want pork or chicken egg roll?" Rich="Pork"
Me="Just make all three with a pork egg roll."
CM="A Thlee pok."
CM="Ok... what you want fo entlees?"
Me... thinking...dear God please help me get through this part quickly so we understand each other..."OK... the meal with just noodles... put broccoli beef and sweet and sour chicken."
CM="Jutht noodlth you want broccoli beef and thweet an thour chicken?"
Me="Yep." (I decided to start saying "Yep" so my brain would not be tricked into saying "Yeth")
CM="Ok... what you want in other two?"
Me="Can I try a sample of this General's mild stuff?"
CM="You want thamplofmild?" ((thank God he was pointing because I did not catch what he said... he was a fatht (fast) talker!"
Me="Ok... in one of the other meals please put the mild stuff I tried and the sweet and sour chicken. In the other one please put broccoli beef and sweet and sour chicken."
CM="You aready have one broccoli beef and thweet and thour chicken... you want the thame?"
Me="Yep"
CM... began dishing up the entrees... finally... I didn't have to talk... he was going to be busy for a while....
Me=... at least I thought...

CM="Tho... wereth that gul come with you latht time?"
Me="That girl? Oh... you mean my daughter?"
CM="Yeth... thee not with you thith time?"
Me="No, we had a doctor's appointment and she had to stay in school today."
CM="Thee thtill in thcoo? What grade thee ith in?"
Me="She is in high school. She graduates this year."
CM="Oh... thee in high thcoo! thee goingtogotocollege."
Me="She doesn't know what she wants to do yet when she gets out of scool. She has some ideas... but she just isn't sure."
CM="That meanth thee weally doethnt want go to college."
CM=((smiling the whole time... by the way...))
CM="Tho... were you live at?"
Me="We live in Colville."
CM="In Colville? How far ith that fum Deepawk?"
Me="Deepawk?... OH Deer Park! Colville is about 70 miles from Spokane... north of Deer Park."
CM="You come theventy mileth fo Chinethe? That CRATHY! That too fa to go fo Chinethe!"
Me="Well... you must be a good cook! We love Safeway's Chinese."
CM="They don have Chinethe up there?"
Me="There is a Chinese restaruant... "
CM="Ith it good?"
Me="It's good..."
CM="But itth exthpenthive ithnt it?"
CM="How big Colville?"
Me="I don't know the population... but we have three major grocery stores, five schools... a walmart supercenter."
CM=... all the while filling dishes..."Well... maybe I come up there an open a retharant."
Me="It would probably be a good one."
Me="Do we get a discount for coming so far for your really good chinese food?"
CM=... Laughing..."Yeth... I give you fifty thentth off each... thatth dollar fifty dithcount."
CM="You need thoy thauth and fokth?"
Me="Yes... three of each please."
CM="You wanna pay here or up front?"
Me="Up front... and thank you very much"
CM="You welcome... come back thoon."

I hope you all have enjoyed thith true thtory ath muth ath I enjoyed it... and the chinethe food!!!

Unfortunately... typing this all out... isn't half as funny as it is when I speak it!!