The Ride Of Our Lives...

*Ferris wheel at Knotts Berry Farm ~ (The place of my fondest childhood memories)*

Lately I have been so teary. I can cry at the drop of a hat. Things of God and things that take place in my life around me have been whirling like a ferris wheel inside my heart. Not in a fun, carnival sort of way... but a "Wow... that sure seems big and scary... I'm afraid to get on it and ride... ........" I would love to be at the top of that ferris wheel... feeling safe and secure... and being able to see the beauty of this world high in the air. I am sorry to say, however, that I kind of feel as though I am the short, little child, standing at the foot of the big, huge, brightly colored, twinkly lighted, ride of a lifetime... with tears running down my cheeks as I hold tightly to the cotton candy gently blowing in the breeze... saddened deep in my heart of hearts... because I have measured up "too short to ride the ride".

Am I feeling sorry for myself? No. I am simply trying to feel as though I measure up to what God expects of me... and I am sorry to say... that right now... I do not. Does that mean that I have given up? No. Sometimes I would like to... Just ask my husband... he hears me say it all the time. Wouldn't it just be easier not to have to deal with this stupid world? Wouldn't it be wonderful to never have to experience pain? Wouldn't it be nice to wake up every morning in heaven? Yes. It would be nice.

Last night, I "talked to my mother." I told her that I was jealous of her... sort of. I told her that she was lucky to be in heaven already. To spend her days with Jesus. I was happy that she no longer suffers such pain that she endured while she was on this stupid earth. She endured such pain. For a season in her life... it had been mental pain. For a season in her life... it was the pain of losing loved ones. For a season in her life... it was severe physical pain.

For a season in her life...

For a season in her life... she loved... she poured her heart into her children... she walked upright in no pain...

Then the time came for her to have a new life... and a new glorified body...

Then... she took the ride of a lifetime... she got on that ferris wheel... and flew into the heavens... where she can now see the beauty all around her.

I'm still waiting for my chance. Not my chance to die... that is not what I am talking about. I am waiting for my life to take flight. I feel completely grounded right now. For the longest time I have not even had a true thought in my head to write down anywhere.

I have questioned God lately. "How do I cast my worries over to you, Lord? There are so many. How do I begin... where do I begin... to live the life here on this earth you intended me to live?......... or am I living it? Isn't there more? Is this all I get to do? Miss out on the things in my heart I have always wanted to do? Why do we have to wait so long..."

Then I hear the Lord whisper in my heart... words that only my heart of hearts can understand.

Then I read His Word... and this is what my heart finds...

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we do not want to be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad." ~~ 2 Corinthians 4:8-18; & 5:1-10~~

Thank you, God... for your love and mercy... and thank you most... for hope.

Dear Father in heaven... lift the heaviness from my heart... allow your Spirit to fill my soul with an unmeasurable amount of joy... the kind that fills the heart of a child. Bring energy and a newness to the lives of my family and I. Take away the bonds that keep us from moving forward into the life and times that you have in store for us. Continue to bless us and keep us safe. Amen.

Perhaps... the ride of a lifetime... is life itself... living up to the moment of glory when we make the eternal ride to our next life... with the Lord!