My Leather Pouch...

I know that the hardest thing I have had to battle all my life... is my weight problem. I am overweight and I need to lose it before I die too soon because of it. I have searched for many things on my lifelong quest for the perfect easy diet. Truth is... there is no such thing as an easy diet. If there were... I would not be writing this.



I have read books about diets. I have eaten different ways. I have tried and tried and tried... and yet... here I am... still overweight. DANGEROUSLY overweight. So... I have a problem. Well... for me it is a problem. I haven't been able to get past a certain amount of weight loss. It seems that 40-50 pounds is it... then I either lose my self esteem... or something in my brain tells myself... those famous last words that I hear pounding in my head all the time... "This is impossible... I can't do it!"



I am not a person that needs to lose 70 pounds and that's it. I need to lose 266 pounds. 266 POUNDS! My God! What have I done to myself?



I ask myself that every time I look in the mirror.



I wanted to write something one day about 2 years ago here on my blog. I wanted to write something inspiring. Something that would maybe help someone else. I sat there staring at a blank post page for the longest time. I ended up not writing that day... however... I did end up doing some listening. I sat there and said... "God...Why can't I write about anything?"



God said to my heart... "That's not a fat lady up there!"



I was stopped... in my tracks... my brain frozen on those words.



What God has for my life... the things that I need to write about... the inspiring words that may touch someone else's heart about weight loss... cannot be written about if I am fat. Plain and simple. "That's not a fat lady up there!"



Those words ring through my soul every single day.



Recently... (like all my life)... I have not wanted to be that fat lady. I don't want my fat to be the thing people remember about me. I don't want "that fat lady" to be the words to describe me by those who don't know me.



I want to be the "lady of grace" that God intended for me to be. The lady who overcame the hardest battle of her life... and LIVED to tell about it! I want to be that skinny lady who lost all of that weight that she battled most of her life! I want to be the lady who conquered her giant and was victorious!



I have just given into the fact that I cannot do it alone. I don't mean that I need a physical trainer... (which wouldn't hurt of course)... but... mentally... and spiritually... I need help. I have searched and searched my heart for the best of all best trainers... the best of all best inspiring people that I know. You want to know who I found?



Jesus... again... right there inside my heart... waiting and wanting to help me.



My friend, Thelma, went to Israel a while back with a church group. She got to tour and see alot of sites and places that Jesus had been. I begged her to bring me dirt from as many places that she could. She brought me home little zippie bags of dirt from 9 different sites she went to. The places that she had seen must have been just absolutely amazing.



When she brought the baggies to me... the one that touched my heart the most... was the baggie that had dirt from the walk up Calvary. Where Jesus carried his own cross to the place where he was to be crucified. The place where he would die for all mankind... so that our souls would have the opportunity to be saved.



I opened the baggie a few days ago... and touched the dirt. The essence of where Jesus had been... and what he had to go through... struggling his way to our salvation... I touched it.



I decided to make a little leather pouch. I decided to put a little of the dirt from the walk up Calvary inside a little tiny zippie bag inside the leather pouch. I have decided to carry that little leather pouch in my pocket every day.



If Jesus could carry his cross that he was to die on... after all of the beatings he had endured... surely I could carry a little pouch of faith in my pocket every day.



I cannot lose my weight on my own. But... with Jesus... I can do it! And... if he can rise from the grave after three days in a tomb... then with his help... the skinny... HEALTHY (aka "healed")... person inside of me can rise up out of this fat body and be a new person on the outside as well as on the inside!



Mark 10:27~ Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."



Mark 10:46-52~ Then they came to Jericho. As Jesus and his disciples, together with a large crowd, were leaving the city, a blind man, Bartimaeus, was sitting by the roadside begging. When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout, "Jesus, son of David, have mercy on me!" Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, "Son of David, have mercy on me!" Jesus stopped and said, "Call him." So they called to the blind man, "Cheer up! On your feet! He's calling you." Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus. "What do you want me to do for you?" Jesus asked him. The blind man said, "Rabbi, I want to see." "Go," said Jesus, "Your faith has healed you." Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.

Isaiah 53:5~ But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

These three verses I have written down on a piece of paper... they are going inside the pouch as well. I have to remember... everyday... what the Lord thinks of me... and what he KNOWS I can do!