Finding Myself...

I obviously have a little bit of competitiveness in myself. The day before yesterday when I was at the fitness center... I rode 10 miles on the exercise bike. 10 MILES!!! Well... yesterday... I made myself do a little better... I rode 11 miles on the bike! I wanted to get off that bike and throw my arms up in the air and holler out "YES!" Instead... I just crawled off and tried to catch my breath!

You know what though? I am so intensely proud of myself! I am a 400 pound woman... NO KIDDING... and not only ((BY THE GRACE OF GOD)) have I been able to stand on my feet 40 plus hours per week... I can workout at a fitness center! I pray for those who cannot... or who does not want to... because I can honestly say that you WILL feel better.

I go through pain each and every day. Physical pain. I know that even though I am hurting... I will benefit from eating better and exercising. I am not going to let you think that it's not hard for be... by all means... no. Losing weight... eating less... and exercising... is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. You know why? Because I have no one to depend on to do it for me. This is something I HAVE to do MYSELF. I have to rely on myself... and motivate myself... and push myself... and convince myself every single day... that it will get easier... and sometimes... "myself" does not want to listen to ME!

I just want to be an inspiration to others. I want to reach out with who I am... and what I have been through in my life... and let them know that they can conquer all obstacles that come across their life-path. I have a very strong... never wavering... faith in God. God has been there with me through the very roughest times in my life. He has comforted me. He has brought me a sense of belonging to this world. He has given me a fantabulous family that I love with my entire soul. He has held my hand over rough waters. He has sheltered me from storms. He has given me compassion for others... and He wants you to know that He has all of the same for you.

If I can make my life better... If I can find a supernatural strength in my own soul... then so can someone else. It is hard. It's hard to come to that place in yourself... where you see yourself for what you truly are. It is hard to bare your soul to yourself... let alone others. But when you see yourself completely... for who you are for real.... and who you want to be.... with God's help... you can become the person you envision yourself being.

I would like to report that my legs... even though I am struggling through some ankle and heel pain... my legs have not beet retaining water as much. My feet have not been so huge that I cannot get my shoes on in the morning for work... they have been SMALLER! Things are getting smaller... slowly but surely. My rings are falling off of my hands. My dimples in my cheeks are easier to see. And... even after a long workout at the fitness center... I feel like I can conquer the world! I feel wonderful!

I think of the people on the t.v. show "The Biggest Loser". (The weight loss show) We just watched the show that portrayed them after only 10 weeks... 10 WEEKS... and one guy on their has already lost 100 pounds!!! That gives me so much hope! THAT inspires ME! I know that this is the last time I will ever have to battle being this huge... because I am dedicated to saving my life.

Thank you for letting me download all of this stuff that is on my heart about my struggles and triumphs. It is good to share... It is good to get stuff off my chest. It is good to write.

I hope you see many blessing in your life. I hope you can love yourself and see yourself the way God sees you. I hope you find happiness every day.

Until next time.