When is enough... enough?

I have got a lot going on right now. I need to pause for a moment. It seems like I get distracted from my daily routine by things that are necessary... just hard to function around. I am a creature of habit. I like to feel comfortable in everything that I am doing. I have to push myself at times to go outside of my comfort zone.

It's strange that I can know so much about some things... and I am a complete idiot about stuff like politics... banking strategies... investment stuff... business ventures. I have so much hope for myself to get out of the place I am in. Not meaning the place I am living in... like house.

I mean... I have a faith and a hope that I will come to the place in my life...within myself... that God knows I can get to. There are so many aspects of that place... it sometimes boggles my mind. It is hard to know that I need to get to that place... and feel like I am spinning my wheels. I feel like the devil sees any steps I move forward in and knocks me back a couple feet. Only God wants me to succeed... (and myself, of course.)

I have been through alot the past 21 years. More than some can imagine... but in the same instance... maybe not as much as someone else. It reminds me of the day a few years back that I was whining and bitching about my legs hurting... (and I still do that... and it makes me mad at myself for doing it!!!)... anyway... I was in a bitching, grumbling kind of mood... hobbling into the store that I was working at... and in front of me was a man walking with not one... but two prosthetic legs. That man was wearing shorts! Talk about making me feel tiny in the universe!

My family and I have dealt with alot of sickness. Alot of death. Alot of pain. And just when we think that maybe we can get healthy and have hope for a better tomorrow... something else comes along to put a dark cloud above us. Rich had a doctor's appointment the other day. Best case scenario... he is anemic and dehydrated... worst case scenario... he has colon cancer.

I know that God thinks I am a strong woman. He must know that I will find the faith to get us through this too. But... right now... Rich is tired of being sick. He asked me the other day... "When is enough... enough?"

We will get through this too... we always do. I always thank God for getting us through things... because it is only by his grace that we have survived this long.

I still hope for blessings being poured out from heaven onto us. I still pray for things that we need. I still find faith deep in my heart of hearts that things will get better. I still thank Jesus for being on our side.

I still cry when it hurts to bad to think about.