BOO!

Boo!

AAAAHHHH!

DID I SCARE YA?

got chocolate?

The Grace of a Lady...

Who is Lady of Grace?

She is not the lady who is scared to move off her bed because she doesn't want to hurt... She is the lady that slowly fights her way through the pain to sit up at the edge of her bed. She is the lady who sits on the edge of that bed and tries to convince herself that she will make it to the living room... or to the bathroom... she is the lady that struggles to get each sock on... she is the lady who reminds herself to move carefully with every step... she is the lady that gets up and goes to work even though any normal person in as much pain as she would be bedridden for days.

She is not the lady who cannot stand to bear weight on her feet because she knows how hard the next step after the first one will be... She is the lady that takes each step to move herself forward no matter how bad it hurts.

She is not the lady that looks in the mirror and sees someone staring back at her that she does not recognize... She is the lady in the white lace dress... she is the lady that stands strong and tall... she is the lady that walks in such a stride that the best fit of men cannot keep up... she is the lady that glorifies the very best of what God can accomplish.

She is not the lady who complains and wonders why God won't fix her... She is the lady who holds out every last bit of hope for a complete healing of her body, mind, and spirit... she is the lady that has patience... she is the lady that can laugh through her tears... she is the lady that God calls "daughter" and loves with all His heart... she is the lady who will be made complete.

She is not the lady in the wheelchair hunched over in sorrow for what life has passed her by... She is the lady riding a bike to work... she is the lady who stops to comfort those less fortunate than her... she is the lady that does everything in her power be fit and healthy... she is the lady that can climb ladders and overcome a fear of heights... she is the lady that by her very faith will move a mountain.

She is not the lady that everyone sees.
She is a work in progress...

Who is the Lady of Grace?
She is me.

I have a bigger God... so THERE!

I sure would like to kick satan in the butt. Anybody with me?

Satan knows who I worship. When I spent the last few nights screaming out loudly in pain... It was "DEAR JESUS... GOD IN HEAVEN!" that rang from the depths of my being. I know that satan would have loved for me to swear... he would have loved for me to curse God... but I did not.

Satan would also like for me to lose my job. He is working on that one big time. He thinks if he can keep me out of work... then they will be forced to find someone else to fill my job. Well... I have news for him... My Daddy God in heaven found me that job... it will be through Him that I will be able to keep it!

I could just see the devil standing outside watching as the ambulance took me to the hospital. I bet he was just laughing his head off seeing me in such pain. Well... little did he know that the doctor would send me back home in just a couple hours with one of those great big shots of relief in the butt. I spent my whole day in bed today... actually being able to rest in comfort... ON MY BACK!

The devil will not bring me down. He will not keep me from going to work to provide for my family. Tomorrow... armed with muscle relaxers to relieve the spasms in my back... I will return to work... and I choose to spit in the face of satan... In the name of Jesus.

Do I sound mad? You are darned right I am mad! I am livid! I rebuke satan and his attacks on my body in the name of Jesus! Go back to hell... which is too good a place for you!

I'm A Grandma... Again...

My husband has a hobby. We have 4 fish tanks in our living room. They are awesome. He does a really great job with them.

Now... I bet you're wondering about the being a Grandma part. Well... Rich raises guppies. Guppies are "live bearers". He is getting so good at looking at a pregnant female guppy that he can tell when they need to go into one of the breeder boxes. Usually within a couple days of being in the box... she has babies. Rich does tons of research on the internet to learn all he can about this process. It is actually very interesting... and it keeps him occupied and from going absolutely nuts being home all the time.


We went to the pet store in town today. Rich came out with one fish. I was very proud of him. He came out beaming like a little kid that just found a really cool prize at the bottom of the cereal box. He bought a pregnant female. She was pretty huge and bustin' at the gills. You can tell the pregnant ones because at the back end of their bellies right before their tale... it gets really dark in color.

He was excited. He came home and floated the bag with the fish in it in one of our tanks (to get the water temperatures adjusted)... he just went over to get ready to put the guppy in a breeder box... and realized that the bag that the fish was in... had just become a maternity ward!

Yes... that's right... we had some premature labor... resulting in 7 baby guppies swimming around in the bag with thier mom! She is not done yet. She will have more. Rich woke up one morning to another instance when there were about 40 babies in the lower section of his breeder box.

Can't beat that though... 8 fish (so far) for the price of one! What a bargain hunter! Time to start knitting little fishy booties!

Everyone needs a change once in a while!

Ok... it's official! I need a blogskin from Darlene!

I spent all afternoon yesterday looking at freebie sites... just to see what kind of blog templates are out there. NOTHING COMPARES TO DARLENE'S!

Shelley's is awesome! Everyone who has one of Darlene's blogskins... wow!... your blogs seem more personal!

So... it's official... I am collecting money in my piggy bank as we speak!

What a Heart is...

I was gently nudged by God today... in a forceful kind of way. I left work on my lunch break... determined that I would walk out that front door... go to my car... get in... and drive away never to return. I was ready! I planned out the whole scene in my mind 30 minutes before I ever left for lunch. I worked with a clenched jaw... tightly closed lips... and with a bit of fervor with each movement. I was mad. Some people just need the stupid slapped out of them! Well... I figured it was others that needed the stupid slapped out of them... but when I got to my car and sat down and slammed the door... I was me who "got slapped" for being stupid. I wasn't slapped hard. It was more like I said... a forceful nudge right in the middle of the back of my head.

I turned the key... but it did not go all the way. (Thank God because had I got the dumb thing started... I would have drove away!) The key stopped in the "let's play ya a song Suzii... so we can teach you a lesson" mode. Well... for some reason... my "earlier this morning praise and worship cd" was still in play mode. (Go Figure!) So there I sat... tears welled up in my eyes...ready to crank over the engine and speed uncontrollably out of the parking lot... and I heard the following:



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And there I sat. In the parking lot. Listening... learning... and loving God. You can hear a song a thousand times... and LOVE it!... but the first time you really "hear" it... just drops you in your tracks. I felt as if angels from heaven were singing the song to me. I know that I have shared this song here before... but... I'm gonna do it again... just because!

The song had previously been stopped at this: ..."As the place you're called to labor... seems so small and little known... it is great if God is in it... and He won't forsake His own. Little is much... when God is in it... labor not for wealth or fame... there's a crown and you can win it... If you'll go... in Jesus name. When the conflict here has ended... and our race on earth is won... He will say If you've been faithful... 'Welcome home my child well done.'"

Ok... so picture me in my fit of anger, frustration, and hurt feelings... huffing myself out to the car... ready to take matters in my own hands... only to turn into a sniffling, sobbing, snot flinging, "I love you Jesus" cry baby!"

God is so good. He forcefully nudged me into perspective. As I sat there... pouting... like a child that has been grounded from their favorite toy... I ate my lunch. (With an actual "I'm pouting... and you can't make me stop" look on my face.) I thank God for Him seeing into this situation. He saw beyond my hurt and anger. God saw his opportunity to remind me that HE was the reason I even have that job!

So after I ate... (all the while listening to the rest of my cd)... I decided to make lists of things I liked and didn't like. Trying to put MYSELF into perspective. ((I wonder if God makes up lists like this? Do you think he would put "Suzii's temper tantrum" on his "Things I don't like" list?))

Things I love:

God
My family
My friends
The perfect "colored" cup of coffee on a day off while I am still in my jammies.
Sterling, My dog when he curls up beside me with his paws bent and tucked under him, then he looks up at me, sighs, and falls asleep.
Standing on the shore looking out over the ocean feeling the mist from fog on my face... knowing that "I" am more important to God than a tiny grain of sand.
Acceptance.
To be loved.
Having money so as to not have to worry about NOT having it.
To know I am appreciated.
To make a difference in other's lives.
Rain/Thunderstorms.
Memories I have of my mother.

My favorite TV shows:

CSI Las Vegas
CSI Miami
Crossing Jordan
24
Ghost Whisperer
Survivor
NCIS
Emeril Live
Paula's Home Cookin'
Iron Chef America
(Most any type of cooking competition shows or other cooking shows on the food network)
Extreme Makeover Home Edition
Three Wishes
Over There
(probably not too many more...hopefully)

Things I like to do:

Computers
Cook
Write (should be in the Love to do list)
Think
People watch (like in a mall or department store... I'm not a stalker!)
Swim
Bike rides
Road trips! Yeah! Windows down... Music up! OH YEAH! (LOVE
Watch a sunset on the beach on the Oregon Coast (LOVE)
Anything that has to do with a beach... bonfire... smores... toes in the sand... lighthouses... seagulls... kites... shells... etc etc etc.
Collect sand and dirt from all over the world in antique bottles.
Collect windchimes.
Photography (given the means)
Watch movies/dvd's
Go shopping
Watch big flakes of snow fall silently like big feathers at night in the glow of a street light.
Rake leaves.

Things I don't like (in general)

Satan
Liars
Cheaters
A messy house
My job... periodically... often... more often than often... *sigh*
Being hot... NO WAY... NO HOW!
People who talk on cell phones and drive (scary)

(About myself)

My body
My weight
My hair right now (needs fixin')
PAIN

Things I would love to do someday...

Lose all of my excess weight that seems to be choking the life out of me.
Restore a 1973 Chevy Camaro (my first car...which I don't have anymore).
Complete one of those confidence courses... complete with overcoming fear of heights (so I can climb ladders at work and not have to have a ladder buddy all the time).
Soak in a hot tub EVERY DAY.
Write a book or two or seven.
Own a "real" house...(build my house that I designed that is rolled up on paper in my dresser drawer).
Bring a soul to Jesus... or a thousand.
Hug my mamma again.
Get to heaven.

Looking at my lists... I have noticed that there is not very much that I don't like. I suppose I could always find more things to put on it. Generally I am pretty easy going and like to get along with everyone. I get frustrated easily when I cannot "make peace" in stressful situations. I always feel like I want to "fix" things. Emotional things... heart stuff.

Well... that was my yesterday.

Today... I am requesting some prayer for my husband.

Last night we were watching "Ghost Whisperer". It is about a lady who can "see" spirits who have not crossed over "into the light". She supposedly helps them to say goodbye.. or help their loved ones find closure. Well... last night... the "spirit" was that of a young man who had died in a bicycling accident. Many of his organs were donated. The spirit wanted the lady to help him find out who his heart went to. To see what kind of person had it... if they were a good person... and if they were taking care of it.

Those of you who know me... or have read my blog for a while... know that my husband had a heart transplant 4 years and 4 months ago. His donor was a 16 year old boy named Sam Brown. We have met his grandma. We have a picture of Sam at his prom with his girlfriend that was taken one month before his tragic accident that took his life. The picture is sitting on my entertainment center along with other family picutres. Sam is a part of our family now. His heart... is what keeps my husband, Rich, alive.

It takes alot for Rich to become emotional while watching tv. There have been a few shows that he has watched that he has ended up with "something in his eye". Rich became so emotional during the show last night that he could no longer watch it. He had me record it... and we went to bed.

The comment that was made on the show was this...

The lady had found the heart recipient. She had went to one of his support group meetings. Outside of the meeting she caught up with him and asked him about how he feels about his transplant. She asked him if he felt guilty about someone dying for him to live. That is where Rich could no longer watch.

Before this... when I had first come home... I asked Rich the normal questions... "What have ya been doin' today?" He was really quiet and somber... but he was outside trimming down the roses for winter. He kept trimming and trimming and once in a while would rub his eye as if he "had something in his eye". I knew he was feeling badly about something... and I knew that if I prodded... he would get angry and clam up tight. So I waited... knowing that in a few more moments... he would let me in on his thoughts... even if it came out in only a couple words. Well... this time... it was only one word that explained to me what was going on with him.

"Randy".

Randy was Rich's brother. Randy was born 2 years TO THE DAY after Rich. They shared the same birthday. When Rich was 11 and Randy was 9... a horrible accident happened that took the life of Randy. They were "just looking at the gun".............

Rich was Randy's babysitter that day. He feels responsible for Randy's death. I always tell him that it was an unfortunate accident that just happened. I always tell him that God took Randy back home with him. I always tell him that God knew before you were both born... before you were ever created... what every day of your lives would be. I tell him that God knew that Randy would come back to him on that day. I also tell him that when he (Rich) was saved that night that he "crashed" and went on a ventilator... that Jesus forgave every sin and took every burden away from him.

My husband... I feel... thinks he has the blood of two young lives on his hands. I say he has the blood of Jesus in his heart! He is feeling guilty for being alive... when two others cannot be. He always wonders what the two would be like... or what they would have or could have done with thier lives. I say... "What are you going to do with the life you have been given?" Make it make a difference to someone else. Pay your life forward! Give back what you think you took...(which he didn't take anything). Be thankful for the life you live... feel blessed for what you have been given.

I think Rich hears me... but he is not listening. He really needs Jesus to wrap his arms around him. He needs comfort in his soul. He needs to find his own way to pay honor to the lives he feels he has to carry. He needs to let Jesus carry them... so he can figure out how HE wants to live!

Please pray for Rich. He has been given a second chance to live! Let him know in his soul that the breath he takes in... is God given... and sweet. I know his emotional heart breaks... His physical heart beats... But his spiritual heart needs a great big God hug.

Thankin' a Good God... Yep... That's What I'm A Doin'!!

Even though the place I live in... is not my own... I am thankful to have it. It is not mine, it is not what I would choose to buy to live in and it is not decorated in the fashion that I would prefer... but I am so thankful, Lord, for the roof over my head.

Even though I do not have my white lace dress... ((YET))... and I do not have the types of clothes that I would love to wear... I am thankful for the shirt on my back. What I wear, keeps me warm, keeps other's eyes from being blinded... (ha ha)... they may not all be store bought, but some handmade... they may not be the latest fashions...and given the choice I would not choose to pick what I wear now... but I am so very thankful, Lord, for what I do have.

Even though the driver's side door handle to my Buick Park Avenue Ultra ~~SUPERCHARGED~~ (I love saying that... makes me so feel turbo~ish)... where was I? Oh yeah... the door handle... well let's just say ye ole bent curtain rod opens it just fine from the backseat. Even though... it needs new tires... and would love to taste higher octane gasoline once in a while... Lord... I am so thankful. It keeps me getting to work and home safely and warmly... (and a lot cooler in the summer) Thank you Lord for my car... and all the things that come along with it... including my mother-in-law.

Even though I am a perfectionist that has a family that is totally disorganized and drives me insane with it... I truly am thankful, Lord, that you have given me peace in my heart to be content with the unorganized chaos. (although given the opportunity... everything would be in it's right place... ALL THE TIME! grrrrr) I am so thankful, Lord, with each day that I have to spend with Rich. He is four years into his second chance at life. His new heart (both physical and emotional) has been a blessing during the last four years of our marriage... kind of washing over the wrongs from past years... and YOU get the glory for that one, Lord! Living with a husband who is living on borrowed time... keeps me in touch with the fact that we must live life like today was our last... Thank you for that, Lord. I am so thankful, Lord, for my one and only child. She has given me such happiness in my heart and life. (not counting the eye rolling that she has become soooo good at) She is the spirit that you gave to me to raise. You put her in my hands to care for... and I pray I have given her a strong foundation in YOU, Lord... so that she may be a blessing to others in her life. (which, by the way, is flying by so fast... why did the 17 years & 7 months have to go by so fast?) Even though it has, Lord, I am thankful for each moment.

I am thankful, Lord, for my job. ((here is where a good lot of throat clearing happens... trying to convince you that I am serious)) Seriously, though... I am thankful. Being the sole provider for my family now... and not having a college degree... basically "just getting blessed" with good jobs.... OH, Lord... how can I tell you how thankful I am that you have provided me with a talent to earn a living for my family? I know that Wal*Mart would not be my "most desired in my heart place to be working"... but Lord, I am thankful for being full time, and that 401K, medical, dental and life insurance for my family and & I, ... PLUS... the highest wage I have ever earned in my entire life! Oh, Lord, I am so thankful. You put food on my table... you provide all our needs and then some. Even though life at work... at times makes my soul cry out... "Why me?" I am thankful... because you have put me in a place where many lives can be touched by Your grace, through me.

Even though, dear Lord, I am struggling every day with each step I take. Even though I fight to steady my faith and keep my eyes fixed on you, Lord, I am so thankful that you love me, no matter what. I am thankful that even though I do not "belong to a church"... I belong in your family. Even though I feel out of place in this world... You have a place for me in Yours.

I am so thankful to you, Lord... for the breath I take in is sweet. You fill my soul with life. You give me light in the darkest of hours. You bring me hope when all hope feels lost. You give me purpose... when I feel like I am at the end. I am honored to be your child, dear Lord, my Father in heaven. I thank you for giving me compassion for those worse off than myself. I thank you for allowing me a sensitive heart to love others as you would, Lord. Even though I may be in the midst of turmoil and trials... you bring me happiness with the flutter of a butterflies wings... you bring me laughter in the midst of sadness... you fulfill me, Lord, where there is longing.

I am thankful to you, Lord, for my friends. Their words of encouragement... prayers... and the ties that bind us all together being YOU... makes their presence in my life even more precious to me.

Hope Filled Heart...

Is it normal for Christians to feel "out of place" in this world? I have always felt "out of place" for one reason or another. The only place I feel like... I know I am where I belong... is in my heart... where Jesus lives.

Maybe it sounds silly... I don't know. It is just how I feel. I don't have to question things from my heart. I feel out of place in my own body. My heart sees who the "real" me is. I am not hiding anything, mind you. It is hard to describe what I am trying to say.

Perhaps the question would be better as: Is it just me who feels out of place in this world... or is it because I am a Christian that makes me feel out of place in this world? Why am I even bringing the fact that I am a Christian into the question at all? Am I confusing you yet?

Here I am. Suzii. My heart of hearts sees me in a certain way both physically and spiritually. I know... only because it is obvious to the eyes... that I don't portray physically how I see myself. There are times when I catch a glimpse of myself in a window or mirror... and I experience emotions that range from extreme shock to sadness... to disbelief. Spiritually... I am not timid... but I am not as bold in person as I would like to be. Inside... my heart bursts and wants to tell everyone about God and his love for them. Get me around people... and I tend to listen and interject God where I feel it would be accepted in a way that would not be offensive to those who are not ready to know or hear about God. I seem to hold back... when my heart screams out silently.

Feeling like I am not what my inner heart sees me as... makes me feel out of place. Kind of like... "If I could just get to heaven... everything would fit and make sense."

I do not have plans of going to heaven before my allotted time is up... but the thoughts of such a wonderful place... sure makes one's heart... long to feel complete. To live in a place where everything makes sense. To walk in a body that you know is for surely the one you should have. To share freely... without any hesitation... how wonderful God is... and to shout it in worship like normal speech... not having to worry about offending anyone. To finally "feel" like you are truly "home".

Does anyone else feel out of place? Or is it just me? Or is it just because I am a soft, sensitive person who wears her heart on her sleeve that makes me feel that way? ((I cried at that commercial on television a few years ago... it was at Christmas time... it was raining and one soldier was at a phone booth calling home for the holiday... and the operator connected all of his buddies to their families with the same quarter... *sniffle sniffle)) I am a funny person... I love to laugh... and I love to have others laugh around me. I am quiet at times... and some people have asked me "Are you ok?"... during my quiet times... I get absorbed deep into thoughts. I can be a million miles away sometimes... and sometimes as close as right inside my own heart. I can be decorating a cake... and be thinking of what heaven might be like... or what the first thing I would say to Jesus might be. Am I wishy~washy? Maybe. Maybe not. Am I honest? Completely. Is this post making any sense? OR... is my mind rambling around on this keyboard as much as it is inside my head?

I would love to sit in a quiet, dark room. With my bible... and soft quiet piano music playing... talk to Jesus for a while... think for a while longer... and fall asleep... and rest as if I were lying on a bed of angels wings.

I love the following verses... they are so hope filled...

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will - to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment - to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ. In him we were also chosen, haveing been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession - to the praise of his glory." Ephesians 1:3-14

I am feeling a little better than I was on Sunday. When I felt like I could not stand any longer... I stood my ground. I cried my prayers... and I made it through a really bad few days. Today... I did ok. I hold tight to the one thing that I know for sure... the one place that I don't feel "out of place"... my heart... where Jesus is.

Please Keep Me In Your Prayers... Dear Friends...

My dear Father, in heaven above...
have mercy on your daughter this day.
Show me your compassion, healing touch and love.

Erase the effects that my time here has grown.
I have built walls of destruction
around your temple of grace.

All that is left in this body of pain...
Is a soul's desire to see your face.

I've done it to myself Lord.
I know it's not your fault.
Could you find it in your heart of hearts
to reach down and pull me out?

To keep my body moving,
I take pills for the pain.
They are not working anymore, dear Lord.
Could you touch me with your tender grace
and make me whole again?

Wrap your arms around me.
Wipe my tears away.
My dear Father, in heaven above...
have mercy on your daughter this day.

written by: Suzii on Sunday, October 9, 2005 @ 3:38pm


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Please... pray. I know that God has plans for me. I know that he does not wish for my life to end at 36. I am trying so hard to say "I can" instead of "I can't". Tears fall freely every day... they might as well be coming from my soul as my eyes. Dear God... I love you with every breath I take.

He is...

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters,

he restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil, for you are with me;

your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love wil follow me all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23

"Hand In Hand... Dear Jesus..."

Change is scary. I described to someone at work today what it felt like the bakery was going through. It feels like... here we are... on this highway... going through this huge storm of grey clouds, lightening, and torrential rain.... we can see the road up ahead of us... and it looks kind of like this bigger, darker, more ominous looming storm that we are heading towards. It is discouraging to feel like we are never going to get through the storm. As I look forward... I try to feel peace and comfort that can only come from the Lord. I search the skies for any sign of a break in the clouds. I eagerly await a ray of sunshine peeking around a cloud... and I am in constant prayer to finally be able to see the rainbow that God promises is his covenant of peace that we will not be destroyed because of these storms. These storms of life I guess you could say. AND I LOVE REAL STORMS! (go figure!)

I am blessed with the knowledge that God will not give us anything that we cannot handle. (He must think so highly of me!) Boy I tell ya... all I have to say about this week is... "Whew...*SIGH*... I am so glad it's over!"

I would like to thank Shelley for her comment from yesterday's post. I really do try to do my best... as if I were working for God. He is such a much more wonderful boss to work for than the ones of human form that I have encountered. God is straightforward... doesn't beat around the bush... doesn't have hidden motives and reasons for doing the things He does. He is simply the main man, head chief, manager above all managers, the big guy, the dude in charge... but what makes him such a great people person... is that he truly loves us first... before being our boss.

Change is so difficult though. It takes us out of our comfort zone. It removes our security in the things we know for sure. What is so hard about working at Walmart is that everything you thought was right... can completely be different the very next day... only to be followed by going right back to the way it was the day before. Just frustrating.

"Sometimes, in order to change things... we need to completely start over." ~a recent word from God I have received~ Start from scratch. I have done that many times in my life. The biggest time of change for me was when we picked up and moved our family to the Oregon coast for two and a half years. Talk about moving out of one's comfort zone. That was an awesome life changing experience that I would do over again in a heart beat!

Some of the changes we are going through now in our personal family life is learning and actually making ourselves sit up and repair our financial difficulties that have tagged along behind us for so long. I have been in the deep pit of financial despair... (and I know others may be there too... and there is always someone worse off than we have ever been). I believe that God is faithful and will give favor to those who diligently seek His guidance from financial problems. I have been on the receiving end of experiencing the favor. It is such an awesome feeling to conquer financial problems! Such a feeling of freedom. It is nice to see those little tiny rays of sunshine peeking out from around some of the clouds. We have been working so hard at mending our past that we ran from. To make things right in the eyes of man... and of God.

It is not just finances that we need to make right in our lives. As humans... we need to make right our spirits, our voices that are heard, our thoughts that run through our minds, and our actions that others see. We need to be more like Jesus. He prayed for the God to forgive the very men who were crucifying him! How humbling is that? What an honor to the Lord that was.

I have such a long long way to go... to honor the Lord in such a fashion. I find myself with such horrible thoughts sometimes when stress gets to me about work. Spiteful thoughts... thoughts about the character of those that I work with that I should not have. Thoughts that Jesus would never have. I am sure that he would always look past the faults of others... and see the goodness in them. Unlike me... I see stupidity and my mind just wants me to say to someone... "Do you realize how stupid you are?"

A friend told me something once about people in general, "... people sometimes reach their potential before they ever get good..." ((or something like that))... but you get the picture. It's TRUE! I pray to God that I can always be teachable and willing to learn something new...and have the ability to do it well.

So... for now I will go and rest... so that my ability to do my job well next week will be a little easier. I actually have Saturday and Sunday off this week. Probably the ONLY whole weekend I will ever get to have off unless I have a weekend during a vacation time. I am going to enjoy some much needed relaxation. Stressful times drain you a little extra... sucking the last drop of energy and goodness that could ever exist from your body, mind, and soul. Finding peace... that is truly a gift from the Lord.

"...Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. ~ ...Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. ~ ... If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. ~... Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. ~ ... do not worry about your life... Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? ~...Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. ~... Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow is the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. ~...Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. ~...Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness... do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own. ~...Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men. ~... If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father's glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what he has done." (Various verses from the book of Matthew.)

It's like a road map through life... the words of Jesus. Guiding us... teaching us... comforting us. He is there WITH us... we are not alone.



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(... Another great song from "New Mercy")

Today... is a Nut Shell... not IN a nutshell... IS!!

My mood today is as grey as the clouds outside. Nothing positive seems to be going on at work this week. I am trying really hard to let it go... but when you are right in the middle of it... it is hard to get past the crap. (Pardon my french)

The one thing that I worked so hard at... was to get back to work. Satan attacked me from every angle to keep me from it. Now that I am back and can actually get to work and make a living for my family... Satan seems to think he can attack me in various ways while I am there. He is the author of confusion and tension and strife and frustration. He knows I have stood my ground as a Christian there... and he is fighting me every step of the way. He is making life there miserable for me. He knows that when little things pile up on me... I tend to get stressed out... and basically this past week the bakery has exploded into a thousand pieces. Satan is trying to turn everyone against each other... he is trying to stretch and poke and twist at every little thread of my being. I have had to be honest and humble and submissive to my authority figures at work (which is how we should be)... and in the midst of the turmoil going on there... try to be the peacemaker as well. Satan keeps throwing everything he can at me to try to make me discouraged and depressed.

HE WILL NOT WIN!

I have done my share of crying at work. I wear my heart on my sleeve and when tensions get high... my tear factor rises. I have to keep reminding myself that I am just there for a paycheck. If I do everything I can to do the best that I can do... then there is nothing more they can expect from me. I will remain honest... and caring. I will remain submissive and humble. I will try to keep my focus on the things of God instead of the things of this world... (the things of this world always seem to invade on God's land)

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is nto against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly as I should." Ephesians 6:10-20

Walmart may THINK they are a god and own the world... but boy... do I have news for them!

**Note to self: "I love my job... I love my job... I love my job......................."

"What's YOUR Bling?"

Hey... guess what? I'm back! I must say that I totally missed being online! I have missed the "inter-net-action" with you all. Get it? Internet... Interaction... Internetaction! I'm so whitty I amaze myself sometimes. (more like whitless... LOL)

During my brief offlineness... I had a yard sale with my neighbor. We all did pretty good. I chickened out on putting some of my antiques in the sale. I could not bear to part with them. I know that in the bible it says:

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21

I know that these verses truly do mean exactly what they say. My mamma collected antiques. She had all kinds of things. She had things that were not antiques... that were nice... and at the time they were bought cost a lot of money. Some things she had given me throughout her lifetime... and most... I just kind of ended up with. When she passed away... she did not take a U-Haul truck with her... and the things that were left behind were just that... THINGS. I have struggled financially off and on since her death... yet I have all these treasures in my home. I still struggle on a daily basis with whether or not to sell them. I can almost hear my mother... "Suzii!! You have all of those THINGS sitting around collecting dust! Sell them! Pay off some of your bills and do something special for you and your family with what is left over! When your life is over... you can't bring them with you anyways... and besides... THE STREETS HERE ARE EVEN MADE OF GOLD!!"

So, here I sit. In my house with all these THINGS. I still cannot bear to part with them... yet. Every thing I look at brings back memories of my mother. All sort of them actually. I can see all of the scenes of her actually buying these things. I can remember her loving them and caring for them and displaying them for us and others to enjoy. I remember her talking about them... and telling my brothers when they were little toddlers... "Don't touch... no no! Those are "pretties". Can you believe that all of these THINGS made it through twin boys!?! These inanimate objects hold memories of life in them. It is kind of hard to part with them.

I know that if Jesus came back and said... "Follow me... and I will provide for you everything you will need." I would go. These things have been left behind by my mother... and they will be left behind by me. I cannot see just letting them be given away practically... in a yard sale.

Part of me wants to keep them... part of me wants to sell them. I also believe that God wants us to be able to enjoy nice things while we live on this earth. Just so long as we don't lose focus on why we are really here... and get caught up in loving things and money instead of Him. That is where I am at with that. I made a little money in the yard sale... the stuff that didn't sell I will be donating to some place that helps those who are in need. There is not alot of stuff left... but some people have nothing.

Also on my offlineness... I worked. Woopee... you might be thinking... people do that every day. For me though... sometimes it is all I can do to get dressed in the mornings. I persevere though. I spend my mornings on the way to work with God. I have six miles of pure "God time". I talk with him... pray... sing... and sometimes cry and pray. On a bad day... when my body does not feel like it is going to do very well... I ask Jesus to become my strength. I ask Him to lift my feet with each step. I ask Him to be my pain pill. I get so tired of taking pain medication to make it through the days. Don't get me wrong... I am thankful for them and the doctor that allows me to take them... but I DO pray for healing... and for strength... and to be painfree. To never have to take another pain pill in my life will be the most wonderful thing in the entire world! In 2 Corinthians 12:9 the Lord says... "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

((I bet you are wondering where my title to this blog comes in?)) Well... let me tell ya! I also got to spend some time this morning/into the afternoon with my best friend. I absolutely needed some good "best friend" time. We always talk about everything... just about. I always feel like we could sit there and talk forever... and never run out of things to say. Our conversation went from iced tea... to underwear! I love iced tea with sugar in it. I only like it partially stirred and to drink it with a straw... so you can suck up some of the sugar from the bottom and chew it... don't ask or say eeeewwwwww unless ya try it! Thelma likes her tea that way too.

Now, I know that the definition for "bling" is probably gold chains, fancy rings, lotsa money, nice cars... etc. So MY definition for "bling" is... all things good. I was explaining to Thelma that when I ask my daughter, Hannah, to get me some iced tea... I tell her to put a little extra bling bling in it....... aka... sugar. We talked a little more about it... laughing those wonderful deep belly laughs that bring tears to your eyes. We also talked about some things that brought the real tears to your eyes. Things of the heart. Those tears can also come from deep inside... like being wrenched from your gut. Things that I will go to God and ask for His grace to bring comfort and fullness to. Let me be there to lift up my friend in my prayers... that is why we are all here.

Anyway... our conversation went all over the board. I told her that my husband's "bling" is his fishtanks. He loves buying fish... and raising them... and making the tanks beautiful. His "bling" is fish. Sounds silly... but it's true... according to my definition. He doesn't spend a whole lot of money all at one time on his tanks... but he does have alot of money wrapped up in them... and they truly shine.

Then Thelma asked me what my "bling" was... and I had to tell her that truthfully... right now... my "bling" is laughter... and being with my family. I love it when we are happy together... and laughter is so wonderful when shared with those you love. Laughter is cleansing... as are tears... but laughter... wow! Sharing a good belly laugh with someone you love... is the ultimate form of bonding! *I love ya Thelma! Thank you for our visit today!* My family and I watched a really funny movie this weekend. We laughed through the whole thing... hard laughing! It was awesome to share that with them.

Today... I thought... What would be Jesus' "bling"? What would God's "bling" be? I bet it would be a saved soul. Or how about us... maybe we are God's bling. "Look at them... I MADE them! Aren't they awesome? Look how they shine!"

Do you shine for God? Does your crown of salvation glitter with the jewels of souls for God? People can see "bling" a mile away... can they see yours? Is your bling gold and money?... Or is it life and laughter and THINGS you CANNOT buy?

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12

THAT is the "bling" that I seek.